A room with a view

Most people reading this keep up with Nathan's page and so you probably already know that he is in the hospital and Julia is at home on oxygen for pneumonia. I thought I'd add some visuals.

The picturesque scene to the left was taken with my phone out the window in Nathan's hospital room. The onocology kids get private rooms with the view of the park. On of the perks, I guess.






I stayed with Nathan at the hospital today. Since I am breastfeeding, Lauren stayed too. She did pretty well today but I doubt tomorrow will go as well. She is currently in her crib crying refusing to go to bed.











Julia is all hooked up to the oxygen, dosed up with codeine cough syrup and in bed. I am already sick of hearing the drone of the large oxygen machine sitting in out upstairs hall.

I have no idea how long she will need the oxygen. What a pair her and Nathan will make in their room at night, Julia on oxygen, Nathan hooked up to IV antibiotics.

Changing the subject....

I feel the need to write a new post. Sorry about how depressing the last one was.

How about I talk about Lauren. She is growing so fast. She is army-man crawling quite effeciently now. She is also going from her stomach to a sitting position and se pulled up on the bunkbed ladder yesterday. She is such a joy. She hugs us and smiles while doing it. She plays so well by herself and she just wants to be happy all the time.

Here are some pictures.

All's quiet.......

I have been gathering my thoughts on the "A Lion in the House" documentary and I hope to post about it soon.

Otherwise I feel I have nothing interesting to write. I am definately slumping into a depression. It is hard to face the facts that this time, there is almost no chance of Nathan going into remission again and if he does, staying there is so very unlikely. How do you look at 6 year old boy happy and running around and also wrap your head around the fact that his body is filled with cancer and it is probably going to kill him?

So - that's where I am at. That's all I can say.

A Lion in the House

This documentary is billed to be a very real look at the issues families dealing with childhood cancer deal with. I imagine it will be difficult to watch. I plan on Tivo-ing it to watch when I am ready. Any of you who have wondered what it is life for us...this program might give you an insight.

It airs Wednesday June 21 and Thursday June 22 on PBS
Independent Lens . A LION IN THE HOUSE | PBS

Chemo

An imprompto echo

Nathan started his first chemo today since we found out his cancer is back again. This is his 14th round of "chemo" in addition to 10 rounds of high-dose accutane. I am used to this chemo stuff. I was delighted to discover the chemo he is having all week is only a 1 and a half hour infusion! This is very short in chemo-land.

He finished up and we stopped at a nearby bakery for a goodie. As he was perusing the case he started to stagger and sway. I sat him down and his eyes kept closing and rolling back. He recovered after a minute or two and picked out a cookie. We drove right back over to the clinic where they checked him out and could find no reason for it. His doctor decided he had better have an echocardiogram before chemo tomorrow since this chemo can cause heart problems and he has had plenty of this type in the past as well as other types that can hurt the heart. They sent us right over and he had the echo. The tech told me his heart function is just fine.

Now, I am just not sure about mine.

Happy Father's Day

A shout out to all the wonderful Dads out there. A special greeting for my Dad, Bill, my father-in-law, Mike and most importantly my husband, Luke!

We are not doing anything today because we threw a birthday party for 60-some people yesterday at a park and are worn out and also because Julia is sick with a fever.

Luke is also not feeling very festive today in light of our bad news about Nathan this week. We brought Nathan home from the hospital 6 years ago today, also on Father's Day.

So - I wan't going for the down tone in this - sorry.

Fathers, hug your kids today and kids, hug your dads.

Happy 6th Birthday Nathan!

June 16, 2000


June 16, 2001


June 16, 2002


June 16, 2003

June 16, 2004

June 16, 2005


June 16, 2006

Loooong Day

Tuesday, June 13 - in New York City

5:15 am - wake up and shower
6:00 am - nurse Lauren and pump
6:30 am - get stuff together and go catch a cab
6:50 am - arrive at the hospital and the door is locked. I realize I have forgotten to put EMLA (numbing cream ) on Nathan's port so we stop on the street and he lifts up his shirt for me to do it. We then walk to a different door.
7:00 am check in at the Day Hospital.
7:00 - 7:30 am - fight with Nathan to drink oral contrast for his CT scan. I mixed it with 8 oz of ginger ale. He cannot drink that fast. I go get a syringe from the nurses and squirt it in his mouth. He finishes right at 7:30.
7:30 we are waiting
7:40 - Lauren is hungry again - I nurse her with my coverup on.
7:45 - we are still waiting and Nathan needs her port accessed. I stand up - nursing and all and go to the IV room to ask. They take Nathan and I finish nursing Lauren while they put in his port needle and take several vials of blood. They hook him up to an IV pole as well.
8:10 - We all go down to CT scan.
8:10 - 9:00 - we wait for the 8:20 CT scan.
9:00 - my mom goes with Nathan to CT scan. Since I am a nursing mother and I had an alternative they thought it was better if my mom went in instead of me.
9:15 - done with CT scan - back upstairs to the Day Hospital
9:15 - 9:35 we wait for his exam he needs before his bone marrow aspirations (BMA)
9:35 - They are ready to see him. The nurse is slowly checking him out when I ask about his BMA which is supposed to be at 9:40 - they are running late - no worries.
9:40 - 10:20 - Nathan has his exam and I chat with the doctor and nurses.
10:20 - 10:45 - We wait in the Playroom for them to call him for his BMA. He is getting hungry - but no food allowed. My mom and I feed Lauren some baby food.
10:45 - they are ready for him. I take him to the bathroom to collect his urine. I get pee on my pants but at least it is not yet radioactive (you'll see later)
10:45 - 10:55 We go into the procedure room and he lies down on the table. We wait for the anesthesiologist and chat with the the nurses and doctors.
10:55 - The anesthesiologist kicks me out before she puts Nathan under. She said "mom out now - Dr. X's rule!" Usually I can stay while they put him under but it is no big deal. Doctor says to me quietly - "is that OK Mrs. G?" I relpy that it is just fine and leave.
10:55 - 11:30 - I wait in the small waiting area. I chat with two sisters who remember me from several years ago. I catch up with them about their daugther/niece. I call Luke and chat for a few mintues. I talk with a grandmother waiting for her grandson to be done with an echo. He is recently diagnosed and I can tell she is still reeling but far enough past the shock stage to have the adrenaline and looks very weary. We exchange stories.
11:30 Nathan is awake. I bring him his post BMA present - a mail truck. He is groggy but very happy. He says he wants to go. I carry him out since he is still walking like a drunk person. We go find my mom and Lauren and Lauren needs to nurse again and so it is a good excuse to make Nathan sit for a few minutes. My mom goes and fetches a cookie from the teen room to keep Nathan happy.
11:50 - 1:00 We all go down to the cafeteria for lunch. We get it in shifts while someone sits with Lauren. It is very crowded and we take our time.
1:00 - 1:35 we go back up to the Day Hospital and Nathan plays in the playroom.
1:35 - 3:05 - we wait and wait and wait for Nathan's MIBG injection. The injection takes about 5 minutes and is scheduled for 1:45. They are apparently VERY backed up. Nathan and I are SO tired of waiting. There is a TV on tuned to Days of Our Lives. The story lines are ridiculous. Nathan plays with his cars and trucks. We realize the promised playground romp after the MIBG injection is now not going to happen.
3:05 - 3:15 - get the MIBG injection (now Nathan is radioactive)
3:15 - 3:45 - we go back upstairs and find my mom with a sleeping LAuren who is so hungry she has fallen asleep after crying. I wake her up and nurse her while Nathan paints in the playroom.
3:45 - we all make our way to 11 to the MRI scheduled for 4:00 pm
3:45 - 5:00 - we wait for the MRI. Nathan plays, Lauren acts hungry again so I nurse her a little. We chat with the other occupants of the small waiting room. There is a man who is retireing as a NYC fire fighter. He was at ground zero. He has since developed brain cancer. They and lots of their doctors believe his ground zero exposure is to blame.
5:00 - Nathan and I go into the MRI. We are given earplugs and he is put into the machine. I sit in my chair eyeing everything metal. Nathan has already expressed concern about his port needle and is assure it is stainless steel and it is only iron and nickel we need to worry about.
5:00 - 5:45 - Nathan has his MRI. The machine is not nearly and loud as ones I have sat outside the door of in the past. We get done and go get my mom and Lauren and head out.
5:50 - we catch a cab and go back to my Aunt's apartment.
6:00 - we freshen up and give Lauren her daily bottle.
6:15 - we go up to see friends Jo and Ju who live in the same building. My aunt is good friends with them from childhood and so my mother know her a little too.
6:15 - 6:45 - we drink some wine and chat - ahhhh
6:45 - 8:15 - we dine and talk.
8:15 - Lauren is tire and hungry and so we have to go.
8:15 - 8:45 I nurse Lauren while my mom tries to put Nathan to bed. He doesn't like to sleep in a room by himself so there is much cajoling.
8:45 - I put Lauren down in the crin in the hall and so we stay in the bedroom and watch TV until it is time to sleep.
10:00 - I go to sleep.

Bravery

brav·er·y

noun

Definition:

great courage: courage in the face of danger, difficulty, or pain

I have been thinking about that word since many people told Nathan how brave he was over the last few days. I wondered to myself if bravery was more about taking on difficult things that were NOT required and so I wondered if the word properly applied to him. Now that I see the definition I see that indeed, it does.

Full plate

I just got back from New York City last night from Nathan's scans. I wish I had been able to blog while I was there because there were lots of things I wanted to blog about. I will try to resurrect some of them. Meanwhile I have to plan for Nathan's birthday party Saturday. It will be 50 some people at a pavillion at a park and I have done nothing!

We are also waiting for scan resultrs which I am expecting to be bad news. One of his scans is the type where bad stuff "lights up" and I have seen enough of these to know what is and is not supposed to light up and I think I saw stuff. Hopefully the doctor will get back to us the scans today. We'll go from there....

Trying to crawl

Lauren got a tooth and is now trying to crawl. Had to share...

An easy dinner

We have some leftover salad. I decided I would just make a pasta salad to go with it. I could make it this morning and dinner would be done.

Well - I decided I needed some bread - so I made some bread from scratch.

Then I remember we had a bag of granny smith apples in the pantry and so I decided I should make a pie *(more on that in a minute)

All the while Lauren had resisted all naps I tried to give her. So she *helped* me do all af the above plus the dishes.

So - now that I am done except for the pie in the oven she has finally decided to nap. I need one too!

*Back to the pie. Kathy - I am going to have to deny (for your sake) that we are related if anyone else sees this pie. Kathy, who is my mother-in-law, is a "pie-expert" as my kids say. I am ashamed of this pie. The crust is a wreck. It fell apart and so it has pieces stuck to it like patchwork. It is the ugliest pie! I just hope it tastes OK. I will need a refresher next month.

Our week in pictures

Nothing more pathetic..

..than a sick baby. Lauren has caught a cold and has a cough and stuffy nose. It is just the saddest thing to listen to her cough. I don't think Nathan or Julia were sick at such a young age. Last night the poor thing was trying to sleep through the coughing but finally woke up and cried. I put her to bed with me.

Sorry for the quiet on the blog front. There is a good reason for it which shall be revealed by picture in a few days.

Tips for helping families with seriously ill children

I have recently begun reading Blogging Baby. Yesterday I commented on this post about a drive to send cards to a little girl with cancer. I was a little concerned she (well - her parents I suppose) might be overwhelmed with the number of cards and hoped they were on board with it and also wondered if she had any siblings that could also receive cards so they didn't feel left out.

The author of the blog post emailed me and asked me to provide some dos and don'ts for helping families with seriously ill children.

Here is the resulting post.

I have also been contacted about contributing to an article being written for a parenting magazine.

I guess you can't always choose your areas of expertise - I am glad if I can be at all helpful to other families in our situation.

It's that time of the year....

Time to get gifts for teachers. I am lucky - I only have two kids in school. I am even more lucky that some of us moms from preschool went in on some gift cards for the 4 teachers that frequent Julia's classroom (more on that in a minute). I do want to thank the teachers - but it is just more complicated than getting a little trinket these days. Nathan has his main teacher and then he has teachers of "specials" ie. art, spanish, PE. I know that some parents get gifts for all of these teachers. I don't even know who these people are so I am not going to do it this year. Take one point off the "good school mom" scale. Then there is a pressure of what to get his main teacher. I think it is pretty widely known these days that teachers have no need for a plastic apple with "world's best teacher" on it. I decided to go with a gift card to Panera. Of course, when you go the gift card route the monetary value is clearly stated - so the value is a whole 'nother decision to make. I went for $10.

Back to Julia. She has one teacher and two aides in her class. The speech teacer also has an office in her classroom and works a little with the kids. None of us like one of the aides and she doesn't say two words to us parents. We reluctantly gave her a gift card as well. Same with the speech teacher - some of us wanted to and some of us did not. In the end we got all four gift cards to a shopping center - $5 a teacher and there were 4 of us.

I recently realized that parents also give gifts to bus drivers. I hadn't thought of that one. I got him a $5 Panera gift card. He is a really good bus driver and has taken good care of Nathan during bus drills. I hope $5 isn't too cheap but he can get a nice lunch off of it.

One of the moms in Nathan's class is putting together a scrapbook. I had to develop some pictures, go pick them up and gather up my scrapbooking supplies and spend about an hour making 2 pages. I am sure it will be nice but when I think of all the time, thought and stress than went into this whole end of the year circus it makes me a little crazy.

Well - I am done...until next Christmas....

Go Big Blue!

Big Blue is the nickname for the church choir I am a part of (our robes are blue). The Gazette's annual Best of the Springs list came out today and Big Blue got a shout out!

BEST CHURCH CHOIR
GO! CHOICE:
First Presbyterian Church
On any given Sunday morning there are 110-125 voices soaring in song, accompanied by an awesome brass ensemble, organ and piano — and on some occasions violinists from the Philharmonic. The large sanctuary fills with classical greats, spirituals, familiar sacred songs and rafter-rocking gospel music, as well as original compositions by conservatory-trained Minister of Music. It makes your heart sing.

One on one

I am spending some time alone with Nathan (well with Lauren too - but she can't talk) for the next few days while Luke and Julia are in Chicago. It is strange because Nathan and I have spent lots of time alone together but it has always been treatment related. In a lot of ways I wish I was the one alone with Julia. I really don't know her nearly as intimately as I know Nathan. I don't know her as a person apart from her brother. This is something that has bothered me for a long time. Sometimes I observe her in a way that makes me feel like I am a stranger watching someone else's child. She was 15 months old when Nathan was diagnosed and she was my BABY. Our bond was so strong. Unfortunately when Nathan was diagnosed I literally felt something break inside me and I didn't even want to see her. It was my way of dealing with the most horrifying of news. I think my gut reaction was that I could no longer let myself have such strong feelings about Julia because the pain of losing her would be unbearable. Until Nathan was diagnosed I had never really imagined losing a child and the shock of finding out I might ( or probably) lose Nathan really changed me. It was not a change for the better but it was a change that let me cope and function the way I needed to. Now, three years later I realize the toll it has taken on me. Everyone tells me how great I have done but they don't see the struggle inside.

I am planning on taking some steps to address my emotional health. I am hoping it is not too late to undo some of the damage.

Luke called me in the middle of my writing this. He and Julia are doing great. He told me that when they started pulling out of the driveway this afternoon she began to cry. I have to admit that really surprised me. I don't know why that should suprise me but I just don't realize the extent of her love for me and I suppose that is a big piece of what I have just been writing about.

Sigh.

Yummy lunch

So - I just whipped up the best lunch. I love it when I can grab leftovers out of the fridge and make something delicious. Today it was a one-egg omelette with salmon, asparagus and brie. Fabulous!

Academia

I just spent the last 24 hours in Illinois and Wisconsin. My father was awarded an honorary doctorate from the University of Wisconsin. This explains his credentials and the reason for the degree. If you scrol down in this document to Ogren you can read a far less techinical excerpt.

It has been a long time since I have been in an academic setting. We attended the graduation ceremony with all the doctoral students. There were around 1,000 graduates. The thought of the amount of hard work and number of years toiling present in that arena was mind-boggling.

After the ceremony we attended a dinner at the Chancellor's house. Sitting at my table was one of my brothers, a professer of botany and his wife, the chair of the botany department, and the university Provost. I have to admit I hadn't a clue what a Provost does. It turns out he is second in command to the Chancellor. It was interesting to hear an overview of his resonsibilities and challenges.

I thoroughly enjoyed the dinner table conversations. As a stay-at-home mom, I rarely find myself around the table with other adults where there are no kids or discussions about kids. It was very refreshing. Intellectually stimulting conversations are very few and far between in my life. I don't stop and think about my place in life very often, but in times like these I realize how different my life is now compared to when I was in the corporate world. I progressed fairly quickly in my career to posistions with important sounding titles and reponsibilities, but a mere 6 years into my career I left to stay home. I am not saying I regret it, but in some ways it is as if these accomplisments and experiences have been erased. They were something I took pride in and my career was something I was really good at. As a stay-at-home mom, I am only average (to below average) in my skills. I think that this is one of the reasons that singing in the church choir has meant so much to me. To be doing something I enjoy and that I am good at adds a lot of quality to my life.

Over the next few days I will write some more about my trip.

Thundersnow

I heard some thunder last night. I woke up to snow this morning. I wish I would have peeked out the window to see the lightening flashing through the falling snow.

And yes, it does snow in May here. June, July, and August are our only snow-free months.

An update on the sick house...

I did get it Monday night - but only mildly. I still felt like crap yesterday and am better today. Julia was still throwing up yesterday morning so I took her in for a shot of phenergan and she is much better now. I was getting worried about her Monday night so I called the doctor and basically asked them to tell me what dire signs to look for and could I put her to bed in her current state without killing her. The nurse thought I ought to bring her in but when I explained that I was home alone with 3 kids and sick myself, she told me Julia would probably be OK.

Half good, Half bad

That was our weekend. Saturday started with some birthday present shopping and then Luke and Nathan went to a baseball game and Julia, Lauren and I went to a birthday party. We rendezvous'd at a restuarant for dinner and then called it a day. Sunday morning we went off to church. The sermon was titled "Singing in the Dark" and the last hymn sung was "How Can I Keep From Singing?". I didn't hear much of the sermon or the hymn since I left partway through the service to nurse Lauren so I could sing service #2. On the way up to the choir loft I caught sight of Luke in the cry room. It threw me for a loop since I had no ideea why he would have been there. I left early during second service and went back to the cry room and found Nathan fast asleep on the couch. He was feeling rotten and was really out.

We got home and he went to the couch and slept for a few more hours. At this point I was getting pretty worried. Nathan can never just be sick. We always have to wonder if it is cancer. Part of me was wishing he had a fever to explain the feeling bad. The other part was glad he didn't have a fever since unexplained fevers were his first symptom of cancer. It is a lose/lose situation.

Julia, Lauren and I went to another birthday party. Luke texted me that Nathan was awake and eating. On the way home I got a call asking how to use the steam cleaner. Nathan had thrown up. So - that was good news - seemed like it was definately a bug.

At about 10:30 last night we heard a hearth wrenching scream and found Julia throwing up in her bed. (yup - definately not cancer) Luke had to get up at 4:00 am to go on a business trip so I sent him to the basement to sleep. I was awake to say goodbye since Julia threw up every half hour all night.

So we will all be hanging around home all day. I am hoping Lauren and I (well - Luke too on his trip) don't get this.

How 'bout some cheese curds?

I cannot believe it is Friday again. The days are flying by recently. I last posted on Monday, yet I can barely recall what has happened since then. Luke and I are still getting over our colds and are finally feeling human again.

I guess this week has just been filled with the normal stuff. On Tuesday morning I did some shopping while Nathan and Julia were at school. I got done and still had some time to kill. I decided to have an early lunch at Culvers. I was craving some cheese curds. None of us had even considered trying them but we went there when Luke's parents visited and they mistakenly gave his mom some some instead of onion rings. Oh my god were they good! Fried cheese...good stuff.

We have a busy weekend. I have a dinner for choir tonight. Tomorrow,Luke and Nathan are going to a minor league baseball game and Julia, Lauren and I are going to a birthday party. Sunday we have church in the morning and another birthday party in the afternoon.

I have been lazing this morning. Lauren was very fussy and then she fell asleep on me so I just let her stay on me while I worked on the pictures for our April web page. She is awake now so I need to play UNO with Julia and take a shower.

Updated

I updated Nathan's caringbridge site tonight. Having just done so - I am in no position to blog here tonight - but since his site has no feed I thought I'd give a shout out here.

I will close with a random cute baby picture.

Photojojo » Tired: Your Photo on a Box of Wheaties; Wired: Your Photo on a Bottle of Pop

Now this is a cool. I am just trying to decide what a good picture would be and for whom.

Photojojo » Tired: Your Photo on a Box of Wheaties; Wired: Your Photo on a Bottle of Pop

Roundup

I thought I would do a general catch-up type of post today.

We have all been passing around a really nasty cold. Remarkably, I was the last to get it this time. Luke has avoided all the sicknesses this year until this one and I got it after him. Nathan got it first and then Julia. We think Lauren has it but it is hard to tell.

So - other than the bad cold thing what has been going on?

Well - feeding and playing with Lauren take up like 80% of my time it seems - especially when she doesn't nap - which is most of the time. I have been working on travel plans to New York in June for Nathan's scans. I have also spent some time on the phone with our insurance company and New York Presbyterian Hospital. This hospital is actually in-network for us, but of course it wasn't that simple. Nathan stayed in their PICU after his surgery since Memorial Sloan Kettering doesn not have a PICU. The attending physician in the PICU is out-of network. Well - it is not like we could pick and choose who attended to Nathan. I don't know how a hospital can be in network and then have it's inpatient doctors not be. So - the insurance company is resubmitting it. It might not seem like a big deal - having to pay 80% of this physician's fee. However - the insurance company has their "reasonable" charge amounts and will pay 80% of those. There is a big gulf between what this doctor charged and the amount the insurance company is willing to pay. So.... I guess we will see what happens. They are trying to collect from us and they have put it on hold for 30 days. If I have to appeal again there might be a choice of a negative mark on our credit or paying more than we owe. This is not the first time this has happened. Ugh.

What else? We have some friends moving back in town after moving to Florida a year and a half ago. The husband was here working this week and we had him over to dinner. It was a good excuse to cook and clean.

I have been playing my guitar and the piano lately. We moved our keyboard to the living room from the basement so I could use it more. When I pick up the guitar, often Nathan joins me on his ukelele ad Julia on the keyboard. I can stand that for about 2 minutes.

Fun task for today....steam cleaning strawberry milk out of the van.

This has gotten long enough I will save updates on everyone else for another entry.

April in Colorado

Yesterday the kids were in shorts. It's kind of hard to see but there is snow in that picture.

Pictures

Kate thought I should share some recent pics of the kids. There are some cute ones of Lauren I can't post because she is naked... Darn perverted internet people. These are mostly of Lauren since she is the most interesting person in the family to take pictures of currently.

She blinded me with....

Science......Channel that is.

I have recently caught a few of the offerings on the Science Channel. I am not sure how well-subscribed it is. We get it on D*TV as one of the extra channels in a package that gives us lots of kids channels.

If you are thirty-something like me you may have watched Mr. Roger's Neighborhood on PBS as a child. Well - I'll take that back because my kids used to watch it on PBS kids channel. But anyway...I loved when he would go to a factory and film how crayons (for example) are made. The Science Channel has a half hour program devoted just to this: How It's Made I never get tired of watching those specialized machines perform their unique tasks and then see hundred drones of the finished product roll off.

Tonight I watched Survivorman for the third time. This guy goes out in the "wilderness" for a week with limited supplies and a bunch of cameras and batteries and survives off the land. In tonight's episode he was set adrift on the ocean in a emergency raft. He is alone, but is monitored in some way for safety. I love to see the "McGuyver" types of things he come up with to survive.

I saw many ads for an upcoming show I am very interested in seeing called Cool Fuel. Here is a blurb:

Shaun Murphy and the Coolfuel Crew set off on an incredible journey to conquer the American Road without gasoline. Can they make it across the country on custom built machines, running on fuels such as corn whiskey ethanol, garbage and wind?

So - if any of you are actually looking for more TV to watch (hah!) You have my recommendations for a channel to surf to

The survey says....

Normally I don't answer telephone surveys. For some reason I decided to participate in a radio survey a few months back. I was asked about my listening habits and stations.

They called back a few weeks ago and I begged off and now I know they are in Ohio and so I ignored them using caller ID a few times. Tonight I answered the phone almost before I really registered who was calling and it was the radio survey people.

Well, this time I was asked to listen to clips of songs (ended up being 35 of them) and rate them as follows:

unfamiliar with
never liked
tired of
no opinion
like
favorite

They are building playlists for stations using these surveys. It hadn't occurred to me that they do this - though it makes sense.

So - I felt good about my musical tastes influencing (in a very small way) what people are hearing on the radio.

I had several "never liked". They were either Shania Twain or Faith Hill crossover adult contemporary types. Also - there were two Aerosmith songs. I like most everything Aerosmith but these were the worst two songs - once again - almost as if written to be adult contemporary. I was pleased to be able to rate a Depeche Mode song as a favorite, among some others.

My Easter treats

Those of you who know me know I am not overly "girly" but I admit I was excited to be able to buy matching dresses for my little girls for the first time. Nathan picked out his new tie.

I have been a singing fool these past two weeks. I attending 12 hours of rehearsals and sang in seven services. I even missed 4 hours of rehearsals and 4 services. I woke up at 3:30 am this morning to nurse Lauren and get ready to go to church by 5:00 am. I sang in an outdoor sunrise service at a nearby park. It was a very cool experience (leterally and figuratively) and definately worth the lack of sleep. Afterwards we all rushed to busses and I sang in the 7:00 am and 8:30 am services as well. Luke brought the kids at 8:00 so I could quickly nurse Lauren in the cry room between services and then we all went home after the 8:30 service.

We just got back from a family walk. The weather is absolutely perfect. It is 70 degrees, sunny and 13% humidity.

Luke is putting Lauren down for a nap and Nathan and Julia are sequestered in the basement for maximum quietness. The sun is streaming in the window and there is a gentle breeze blowing through the room. Ahh....

Ok - well that was a nice moment - but the kids are upstairs again. Lauren is still sleeping at least...for the moment...

Baby toes

Well - I sat down to blog but instead I have a baby on my lap and am eating some yummy baby toes. I will try to catch up on the blogging later.

Note to teachers

Dear school or Sunday school teacher

Please don't send something that needs to be kept alive home with my 3, 4 or 5 year old. I already need to keep a 5 year old, 4 year old, 4 month old and dog fed and watered. Besides, we have plenty of grass in our yard. We really don't need to have more growing on our window sill.

p.s. oh - and Sunday school teacher, please do not give a whole donut to my 5 year old as he leaves class. One sticky donut + 2 kids = crying + mess.

The subconscious mind

So - I set my alarm for 5:50 am before bed last night. I checked the time and turned it right to the setting to the radio alarm. It goes past "on" when I do this. This fact becomes important later. I went to sleep.

Around midnight, mostly asleep, for some reason I turned off my alarm. As soon as I did it I was awake and knew what I had done. I reached over to turn it back on and when I did I noticed I heard nothing as I slid it past the "on" setting. The radio volume was down all the way. I turned it up.

The alarm would not have made a peep this morning. My subconscious mind must have taken note when I set it and alerted me in the night.

I love it when things like that happen.

Ahhh....time for me

So - when this weekend ends I will have spent some nice blocks of time (mostly) kid-free. Since Lauren has been born there have been very few such moments.

Yesterday I had choir rehearsal from 9 - 12. I brought Lauren with me and left her in the nursery so I could sneak out and nurse her half-way through. After I can home and nursed Lauren again I went out for about an hour and a half searching for an outfit to wear to an upcoming event. I usually like to shop but my choices are so limited. I need something dressy I can wear and be able to use my breast pump - so two pieces. Yet - I don't want it to look to much like a business suit or be suited mostly for a 60 year old woman. Anyway - I had no luck but I did enjoy my time out.

Today I ran off to church at 7:00. Luke brought the kids in and met me in the cry room where I quickly nursed Lauren between services. I sang all three services this morning and need to be back in 4 hours for this evening special service. I will be going off by myself again. Lauren takes a bottle at 6:00 so I am free! I enjoy simply being in the car by myself. No little voices asking inane question from the back. Just my thoughts and music. Ahhhhhh.

The little amount of family time we have had this weekend has been good. Luke's aunt is in town and we went to visit her and then out to dinner at Chili's. I had a strawberry margarita that cost as much as my entree but was worth it. The whole bottle at 6:00 thing also allows me to have a drink with dinner. Yay!

Anyway - back the alone thing. I am not one of those women who want to be with their kids 24/7. I can't fathom that. I have always had the need for alone time. I just recently realized it was wearing on me and even though I only got a few hours of sleep last night I feel refreshed from having my own time and doing something I love (singing).

Who looks like who?

Nathan
Julia
Lauren 

Palm Sunday

I have been remiss in writing about choir. We are getting ready for Palm Sunday and Easter. This has meant lots of extra rehearsals and also lots of cool music.

The choir director (Minister of Music as well) has composed three original pieces for Palm Sunday. Every year the Palm Sunday evening concert has a theme based on events from the previous year. This year it is hurricane Katrina. The writing is reminiscent of John Rutter and very evocative. In the song titled "Thank you Lord for the Storms in Our Lives" the music ebbs and flows like the surf. We are singing acapella.

We rehearsed a little of our Easter music last night and we are singing the Hallelujah Chorus. Very fun!

Baby Sitting

She's getting big too fast!

Three too many

I subscribe to a listserv for neuroblastoma. This listserv has literally been a lifesaver for us. Without it I would not have known about the uniquely talented surgeon who has removed tumors from Nathan that other doctors could not. I would also not have known aout the antibody therapy that I also believe is one of the reasons Nathan is still here with us.

This listserv also serves as emotional support for the family members. In the last 24 hours, three children have died. One of these kids was a walking miracle. He was in treatment for 84 months before achieving remission. He had been cancer free for three years. Normally a child who does not reach remission in the first 7 months or so will die. Well - he died, not from cancer, but from a perferated bowel. Most likely his abdominal surgeries and cancer treatments were a contributing factor.

It is all just so sobering.

There is a member of the listserv whose 40 year old husband has been battling this children's cancer for 3 years. She writes in prose, mostly and never in caps. She wrote something today I would like to share:

i do not think I shall ever understand
how real life is opposite
to what seems right

strength comes out of weakness

love is forged in the fires of battle

patience comes through trials

wisdom comes through loss

grace comes through pain

kindness and compassion come through having been wounded

such things
all the money in the world cannot buy

and if

we are lucky enough to possess any of them

even for a moment

it shall come through real trial

and we cannot ever

close our hand over it and keep it as our own


it is given

to share and to be given away freely


because

crazily enough

the more you give away

the more you have


how strange life is

carrie

Interesting Tidbit

This was forwarded to me....

On Wednesday at two minutes and three seconds after 1:00 in the morning, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06.......[1,2.3.4.5.6]

That will never happen again.

You may now return to your (normal?) life.

Hot men

So - Luke's most recent blog entry is of women with guitars. He likes Lisa Loeb in particular. He mentions her in his entry title "if I were single"

Ha!

I thought I should reciprocate with two of my favorite leading men.

Pimp my Ride, Strawberry Shortcake

So - the night before last I had a very vivid dream. I was in a parking lot and there was something illegal going on with another van in the lot. Nothing too strange there. However - in my dream the van was pink with Strawberry Shortcake all over it. No reason why. I tried to emulate the van - couldn't really capture it though...

Tagged....

~A~ has tagged me with a meme.

Here goes....

1. Who was your first prom date?

Terry - he was also my second, third and fourth prom date. Here is a prom picture...when you see my hair, remember this was the 80s

2. Who was your first roommate?

My freshman dorm-mate in college. I moved out half-way through the year because we could not get along as roommates. We were friends afterwards and even shared an apartment later which worked out OK since we had our own bedrooms.

3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time?

Christian Brothers brandy taken from my friend's parents liquor cabinet.

4. What was your first job?

I worked at Old Mill Pottery- a large craft store. It wasn't too bad for a first job. Sometimes I had to vaccuum and that was bad. I also had to bag peat moss on occasion.

5. First CD you bought?

I honestly cannot remember. My first tape was Journey - Frontiers

6. When did you go to your first funeral, whose?

I actually have never been to a funeral. My grandparents' funerals were all out of state and my sibs and I did not go.

7. How old were you when you first moved away from your first hometown?

18 to go to college. I lived in the same house in the same town until then.

8. Who was your first grade teacher?

Mrs. Pittman. She was so old-school. She would rap your palm with a ruler if you did something wrong.

9. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?

England to live for a year when I was 3

10. When you snuck out of your house for the first time, who was it with?

Hmm - well I never snuck out when I was supposed to be in - but I did sneak my first boyfriend in.

11. Who was your first Best Friend and are you still friends with them?

Diana who lived 2 houses down. No - I am not. I got in touch with her a few years back but I only got one email and didn't hear from her again.

12. Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parents' house?

A dorm at Purdue University

13. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day?

Luke

14. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid or a groomsmen?

Julie - college roommate. The dresses were purple crushed velvet with “dog collars”.

15. What is the first thing you do in the morning?

Take my thyroid medication

16. What was the first concert you ever went to?

Neil Diamond with a friend's family when I was about 8 or so.

17. First tattoo or piercing?

No tattoo - I got my ears pierced when I turned 18 at college. My dad wouldn't have allowed it when I was living at home.

18. First celebrity crush?

Morten - lead singer of A-ha

19. First crush?
Hmm - probably Matt W.

20. First sexual experience?

All I will say is it was not with the prom date from question #1

The tagging will stop here because most of my blog friends are men...they are not so fond of the meme.....

Turn your head

There was an article about this product in the paper yesterday. What a unique idea.

http://www.turnyourhead.com/

Songs for a long, empty road

On a board I am part of, my friend ~A~ asked the question,

What songs would you love to listen to while driving down a long, empty road?

Here is my answer - if you read this and you have a blog - consider yourself tagged (or answer in the comments of you don't).

1. Big Log - Robert Plant
2. In a Daydream - Freddy Jones Band
3. Lake Charles - Lucinda Williams
4. Song Two - Blur
5. Going the Distance - Cake
6. Sunset Grill - Don Henley
7. Snowin' on Raton - Pat Green
8. Road to Nowhere - Talking Heads
9. Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For - U2
10. Here I Go Again - Whitesnake

Paying the man

So - yesterday I tackled the medical bills. This is something I do about once every three months. Being an accountant (in my former life) it feels counterintuitive to leave a bill sitting for three months. However, I have learned that if I were to go through these bills once a month I would waste a heck of a lot of time looking at incorrect bills. If I give them a few months to send the bills out they are more likely to be correct after a few months.

So my stack of bills (picture is coming if stupid blogger will only let me add one) yielded five checks, and five phone calls. Yup - 3 of the bills were just plain wrong. Actually a fourth was wrong too - but I paid them the right amount and sent them a spreadsheet showing them the correct figures.

If I didn't have a CPA I would be paying a lot of money I didn't owe. I really feel for people who do not have the training to decipher a medical bill. So many people are being screwed.