Small wins

Luke's been gone for work this week.  These were my small victories...

1.  I helped with linear algebra homework twice! I normally stay clear and everyone is happier that I do, but I knew this week's work.  Yay!

2.  Successfully navigated the weeks activity schedule solo.  It's built so it can be done but it is a pain.  Highlights include Wednesday...Take Julia (with Lauren in tow) at 7:00 am to school across town (turning around once to get forgotten dress clothes) drive back home.  Take Lauren to her bus and drive back into rush hour and go downtown to work.  Come home from work, get Lauren from bus and drive to Julia's school for a orchestra performance (dinner included at least). Rush downtown to church for choir rehearsals for all three of us.  Drive home.  Violin practice was not achieved that day but we made it everywhere pretty much on time and I got my work done so that was good.  Monday was also a record setting day for number of round trips...but most of them were very close to home. Lauren helpfully pointed out to me that I drove to and from her school 3 times today.

3.  Did all the laundry, but did not fold it...yet...the night is still young!  (kidding...not gonna happen)

Anyway...it's pretty silly - I've got it easy but it was the homework victory that made my night.  Especially since Lauren then asked me to teach her long division.  I taught her and warned her common core probably won't do it the way I do it but they are both right!

Grief - almost 8 years later

It's really, really, hard to think it has been almost 8 years. It's actually pretty depressing. Time does have a way of marching on. So what does grief look like now? I'd say it has stabilized. It hasn't changed for many years and I don't expect it to. As I have been contemplating this post I ran across this quote from a TV show

"I used to assume that grief was something inside that you could fight and vanquish, but it’s not. It’s an external thing, like a shadow. You can’t escape it, you just have to live with it. And it doesn’t grow any smaller. You just come to accept that it’s there…." — "Broadchurch"

I think that is very true.  I'm sad every single day.  That doesn't also mean I'm not happy every single day.  Tears come to my eyes all the time...I don't often let them out but they are there.  It's not possible to miss Nathan less.  I never missed him more at the beginning it was just that the lack of his presence was more keenly felt at the beginning.  Unfortunately I have had to learn to live a life without him and so I am used to living life without him.  That's not the same as not being sad about it.  It sucks.

Thank you to Vickie, Robin, and Erin for commenting on my last post.  I think I do have things to say and now I know I have a few people to say them to.  No pressure to continue to comment...I'll know you are there.