Ice Cream Truck

As part of bedroom redo for the girls and also family room makeover (will post on that later when I am finally done) I needed to swap out some plastic drawers in the basement with a different set so Julia could have the basement set.  In these drawers were a bunch of cars and trucks.  I went through them and then through the two other large containers of cars and trucks we have.  Lauren helped me and had fun playing with them which made it easier.  I didn't get rid of any, just redistributed them.  These were all Nathan's, of course.  He LOVED cars and trucks and given that he was "sick" for 4.5 of his 7 years he was given a whole lot of them.    He particularly loved them from about age 2-6.  So, yesterday I was on a quest to find a specific truck; the ice cream truck.

He was diagnosed in April  2003 at 2 years, 9 months.  He and I spent most of the days that summer in the clinic either receiving chemo or blood transfusions.  These were all day events.  It was up to me to keep a 2 / 3 year old happy for 7 hours in a small room.  So, we spent most of these hours on the floor with his cars and trucks.  At this young age he wanted to interact with the vehicles.   Ice Cream Truck would drive around asking all the other vehicles what kind of ice cream they wanted and serving them.  I have such clear memories of playing with the Ice Cream Truck with him and can almost hear his little voice playing.  It is a bittersweet memory but these kinds of memories are becoming more sweet than bitter.  It sucks that these clinic visits were such a part of his life, but on the other hand, they were part of his life experience and remembering him, particularly at that age, means remembering these days.

I found Ice Cream Truck and it now sits on my desk.

Egg Cups

Growing up for many years our Sunday morning breakfast's centerpiece was a boiled egg served in an egg cup.  I suspect this started when we were living in England for a year, but I will have to ask them.  At some point we stopped tis tradition and I hadn't had an egg that way in 25 years or so.

Recently, when shopping in Manitou Springs with my in-laws, I ran across some egg cups and, more importantly, the egg cutter!  I purchased them and put them in the cabinet and forgot about them for a month or two but I finally got them out the other day.

Luke was wondering what the point was but I think he agreed with me after eating his that you get the optimal ratio of white to yolk eating them this way.  It is funny as a parent to realize the things that mattered to you as a kid.  I'm guessing a great majority of these things are just normal at the time and only by repeating them you end up creating a childhood memory of something you never intended.

So - a few pictures...one very blurry one...sorry.

Night Terrors

I am sure I have written here several times about my night terrors.  They have become more cyclical in the last year which helps me to endure them.  The current run of them is really beating me up.  This current batch is lasting for HOURS and involves mice/rats in my bedroom.  I am repeatedly jumping out of bed, turning on the lights, putting on my glasses, generally running around my room.  Last night I jumped off the end of my bed over the footboard.  I am really glad my room is fairly clean right now because I could have landed on something pretty hard.

I am not terribly rested this morning and really need to continue on the current project of painting and moving furniture and books around the girls rooms/family room.  More on that later.

Sloth

What I have done today:

Woke up at 5:30 not feeling too well.  Since there was a little daylight and chirping birds I was up for the day.

Commenced sneezing and snuffling and rubbing my eyes for the next 9 hours or so.  I think I am allergic to Pueblo West.

Laid down with my computer.

Cooked some frozen sausage.

Tried to use my computer and dozed off for a few minutes.

Showered!

Took Lauren to her violin lesson.

Ate lunch.

Laid down with my computer and slept for a little while more only interrupted by children a million times.

Emptied the dishwasher.

Made coffee.

Sitting UPRIGHT at my computer desk.

Some notes:

I don't nap unless there is something wrong with me.  In this case I guess is is the severe allergies today.  Not that I am against naps I just can't usually.

Left to do today:

put dirty dishes in the dishwasher

think of something to feed the poor girls (with Luke being gone so much I really need to get over my cooking only for me and the kids depression and actually cook for them but I am not sure I even have anything to cook in the house)

Put kids to bed

Watch Bachelor Pad because that would just top off the worthlessness of my day perfectly.

Talk on the phone to Luke or perhaps be on the phone with him in silence if we are both too tired to really talk but attempt to anyway.

Here goes

OK - so I am blogging today in the spirit of just blogging and airing my dirty laundry (well, not really but you'll see)

I am home alone this Sunday morning. I sent Luke and the girls to church without me.

Luke has been traveling all summer for work. Since May he has been gone most weeks or has been with us at our parents houses but not home. He is in the middle of a three week stretch right now. He drove home from Illinois with us last Saturday and left Monday morning. So, the girls were in their usual post-grandparent/vacation emotional down state and daddy-is-gone was added on top of it. Luke got home on Thursday night with a bad cough, tired and just not feeling well. He is leaving again after church. Yesterday I lost it for a few minutes and told him I needed him to take the girls to church without me so I could have some alone time or else I might not survive this upcoming week.

A quick side-note to how our weekend has been. Back and forth with 2 sellers of beds for Julia with the end result of the sale falling through and a very disappointed Julia. Also made all the effort to go to the pool yesterday and arrived with it closed for a "code brown" (I heard it described that way). Use your imagination. Luckily the indoor pool was open but, still..

So - I am home and need to do some baking. I am off to a BBQ in Pueblo west for a friend who is swinging through town on a "trip of a lifetime" for her daughter who is terminally ill with BAtten's Disease. I wrote about her here.  Later I will have our usually Sunday night dinner with two other families, minus Luke :(

blogging

I have been neglecting the blog for quite some time. I am trying to decide if I should ramp it up and if I can even keep it up if I do. It is hard to know where the line is drawn between interesting tidbits of my day and boring recounts about boring things that a stay-at-home mom does. So..we'll see.

July 2010 Pictures

Last part of July

Somehow my soul seems to know when big grief moments are arriving even before my mind does. Three years ago must have been a bad day. I could look at the journal and find out but I know. He died 2 weeks later. It is hot and sunny. It is bright, like the day he died and Luke carried his body out into the blinding sunlight to the hearse/van. I just can't avoid the feelings that come up this time of year.

Music

When I was five I started cello lessons and then piano lessons soon after that. I also was in a children's choir for many years. I always promised myself that I would do the same for my children. Julia missed out on the early start mainly due to Nathan's illness and death and my subsequent early grief. I finally got her started with voice lessons this spring and we just added piano with the same teacher and extended the lesson. She did well at her first lesson yesterday and I am hopeful her "late" start is OK (she is 8).

Lauren told me she wanted to play the violin and I found her a good teacher pretty quickly. Her teacher requires that for the little ones (she is 4.5) a parent must learn along for a while. So - I am about to embark on violin lessons. My parents had my brother's old full-size violin in their closet for about 25 years. I brought it home from their house and took it to a repair shop. Today I finally picked it up and attempted to play it.

I think I did OK but it just made me wish for a cello! I don't have one anymore and a decent one is around $1000 so I am not just going to go out and buy one. I was trying to figure out how to play vibrato on the violin and am a bit dismayed the technique seems to be very different from the cello. I held the violin like a cello and could do it.

However, since I am now to learn violin I need to get over wishing it was a cello. A violin is much more portable. I am hoping that I can make quick progress and enjoy it. I have no doubt I can do what I need to for the sake of helping Lauren but I am kind of hoping to elevate my playing of it for my own enjoyment. We'll see...off to my first lesson tomorrow.

June 2010 Pictures

A note about these pictures - some were taken by my in-laws and not me and I have decided to save all the South Carolina pictures for July since the trip started at the very end of June.

Completely different!

We are in Hilton Head visiting my parents (who retired here from Illinois - I am not a southern girl)

It is a different as Colorado as you can get.  The humidity I could do without..it is seriously hard for me to deal with.  We have been outside on the golf course (my parents live on the 9th tee) and I finally had to give up and come inside to the A/C.

I AM enjoying the different birds and plant life here.  We also enjoyed the ocean this afternoon (but no pictures of that yet).

There is dew here!

these crazy squirrels always are splayed out like this on this tree

A meme

I rarely do memes but for some reason was compelled to do one today. Feel free to stop reading now if you don't like them.  I got this one from here.

What color are your socks right now? I hate socks - only wear them when I absolutely have to - so that means never in the summer

What are you listening to right now? Lauren's mp3 player - A song from Glee

What was the last thing you ate? Just made pasta with grape tomatoes, garlic, basil and parmesan cheese for lunch (trying to use some things up form the fridge)

Can you drive a stick? yes - I learned how to in college because my then boyfriend's car was a stick. So - probably had driven it last in 1994. Two years ago we got a new car and it is a stick so I had to relearn. It didn't take too long.

Last person you spoke to on the phone? I think it was my mom yesterday morning.

How old are you today? 37 years, nine months and one day.

What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? College Football. When Luke and I were newly married and just moved to Colorado we would wake up and just turn on the TV Sat. morning and watch Gameday in bed (mountain time, mind you). We have no cable now and have kids so it seems we rarely watch college football anymore.

What is your favorite drink? Hmm... I'd say Izze (either clemantine or grapefruit)

Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes but not until I was in New York city in 2003 for 6 weeks and decided to give it a try out of a desperate need to control something in my life.  I am planning on some highlights in a few weeks.

Favorite food? Popcorn with real butter

What is the last movie you watched? Sweet Home Alabama on netflix instant streaming while folding laundry yesterday.

Favorite day of the year? I am not sure.

How do you vent anger?  I yell, I guess.

What was your favorite toy as a child?  probably my little people, doll furniture, building blocks, and shoe boxes all used together to make elaborate homes for the people.

Favorite Season? In Colorado it is summer but in warmer/humid climates it would be fall.


Cherries or Blueberries?Neither actually - I don't choose to eat them but will eat them if they are in something.

Living situation? with the family

When was the last time you cried?  Hah - well, I at the very least tear up every day.  You know, the dead child thing...so I did tear up this morning during church as we sung "How Great Thou Art" because it was sung at Nathan's funeral.

What is on the floor of your closet right now? My closet is actually pretty clean.  The one weird thing in it is a container with the Lego Star Wars Jabba's Sand ship set that was Nathan's and built right before he died.  Somehow it has never found a different home although occasionally the girls ask to play with it.

What are you most afraid of? another one of my kids dying

Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? plain with lettuce, tomato and onion.  I used to be a plain cheeseburger girl but rarely do cheese anymore.

Favorite dog breed? I like terriers - schnauzers in particular.

Favorite day of the week? Saturday

How many states have you lived in? Illinois, Indiana, Virginia and Colorado

Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds.

What is your favorite flower? Sunflowers

Did you get an H1N1 vaccine? No.

Feel free to do this one and let me know.

Julia's Voice Recital

Julia began taking voice lessons this spring. She recently had recital at a nursing home (so very informal and lots of people milling about)

Here are the videos.

Another year

Yes - Today would have been Nathan's Tenth birthday. What can I say? It just sucks that he is not here with us. This is the third birthday he has missed. I want him back.

May 2010 Pictures

Second Grade

Julia is attending her last day of Second Grade today!

  She sure has grown up a lot this year.

Aug '09

June '10

Aug '09

June '10

CBC

I have in my possession orders for a CBC for Lauren. It is to be used at my discretion.

I am really at a crossroads here.

Here's the scoop:

Lauren is "tired". She is always complaining about how tired she is. Recently she started feeling warm and I found that consistantly she we

(seemingly) #1 way to begin to heal from the loss of a child

I just saw a news story that John Travolta and Kelly Preston are having a baby. They lost their teenage son a year ago or so. Given their ages (she is 47 and he is 56) I think it is a pretty good guess that they were quite done adding to their family before they lost their son.

Now - a lot of my exposure to families losing children are neuroblastoma families and since it strikes so young, a great percentage of these families were in the middle of building their families and would have had another child or two or three regardless.

However, it has really struck me just how many families who lose a child and were previously done adding to their family make adding a new child (either naturally or through adoption) a part of their healing process.

Let me say right now I am not passing any judgment on any personal decision such as this, I am only examining it.

After Nathan and Julia we thought that we were likely done but maybe not. New Years Eve (day) 2004 we decided to have another child. Nathan was in remission and it seemed the thing to do. I would say his illness and possible death did factor into the equation; but not significantly.

So - after Nathan died, I would say that there WAS an emotional or biological urge in me to have another baby. It seemed like a bright spot, like a hopeful thing to do, like a distraction almost. However, the practical part of me knew that we were done having babies. Having a baby was not the right thing for my marriage, for my body, for my emotional well-being and general life plan. It was tempting though. It seemed like one of those things that if it "just happened" would work out but to me that seemed irresponsible. Kind of like a child who knows they shouldn't do something and yet they really want to and so they do it and there are some consequences but they get what they want and the trouble blows over.

I can only imagine the basket case I would be as a pregnant mom and mom of a newborn. First, there are all the things that can go wrong in pregnancy and there is SIDS and then a whole 'nother kid to worry if every fever or dark circles under the eyes indicate cancer. (Lauren has a very low-grade fever today and is tired and I am imagining a cancer diagnosis and going off to New York....my mind just goes there)

So - it is definitely not the right thing for us, but I am just surprised at how many people it DOES seem to be the right thing for. I have to wonder if I missed out on an easier grief road or something. I mean, if everyone is doing it maybe there is something to it. I guess I will never know.

April 2010 Pictures

aug 3

I just ran across these pictures taken the day of Nathan's funeral. For some reason I noticed Luke in the background (not that you can tell it is him, I just know it is). No pictures of me that day. I ran around with my sister in law all day the day before or so trying to find a dress for the funeral. I think my mom found one for Julia. Lauren had hers. I haven't been able to wear mine again though I swore I would. Perhaps this summer.

edited to add this picture - courtesy of Lisa of Lauren sleeping on my dad at the reception

A visit

I had the most lovely dream about Nathan last night. We were face to face and he was just smiling his sweet smile at me. I even caressed his cheek and chatted with him. I could see his whole face with all its detail. Just so precious.

March 2010 Pictures

He said it

I have another post about Good Friday/Easter I am working on but will post this brief one first.

In a part of the Easter sermon, our Sr. Pastor talked about the foolish things Christians say to other Christians who are grieving.  How they make comments about "Heaven has another angel" and other such platitudes about how we should be happy that our loved one is in heaven.  He went on to say that death is a horrible awful thing and that it was never part of God's plan for the world.  Jesus wept with his loved one who were grieving and that is what we should do too.

Can I get an Amen?!

Easter Girls

I took some Easter Pictures today since I will leave the house before dawn and return after lunch due to singing four services tomorrow and will not get to see my girls all dressed up!  I have also included some older pics.

Easter 2010

 Easter 2009

Easter 2008

Easter 2007

Easter 2006

Easter 2005

Easter 2000 - with Nathan in my tummy!

April 1, 2003

Seven years since diagnosis day. What if he had never relapsed? I wouldn't mind today so much. He would have been a 7 year survivor. If only it had been a joke.

I wrote about it on April 1, 2007. Nathan was still with us though we knew he was dying. It made me feel good to go back and read the intro of that post though because he was still alive and that was all that mattered. I try to remember that attitude we had, the taking one day at a time even though we knew the days were numbered. I am so thankful we were able to do that.

HERE is that post.

The House of the Lord

The 23rd Psalm was one of the focuses of last week's sermon.  We got to sing a beautiful version of it. (this is NOT my choir)



Below is the folder from Nathan's funeral.  As you can see we chose a verse from the 23rd psalm along with a picture Nathan had drawn. 

This has been a bad week for neuroblastoma families with many children lost.  One such child is Sam.  I never had the priviledge of meeting Sam, thought I got to know him through his blog.  I did get to meet his Dad, Neil in New York while Nathan was in-patient.  Neil has worked tirelessly, for years, to find a treatment for NB, for Sam and for the rest of the kids.  Neil took time to email many parents with treatment ideas.  He did this for me and Nathan as well.  If anyone could have saved their own child from this beast, it would have been Neil.

Sam leaves behind two little brothers.  I told Julia about Sam (long story about how we arrived at the conversation) but the first thing she expressed was how sad she felt for his little brothers who had lost their big brother, just like she did. 

The 23rd psalm gives me a little peace in all the darkness.

February 2010 Pictures

Again - pathetically few pictures for February.  Sorry!

New blog design

Decided to freshen up the blog...I may still tweak it a bit

Just is

The grief thing has been rearing its ugly side.  It seems like there are also little things cropping up.

I try to at least recognize what it is.  When I feel like not leaving the house and not seeing anyone I try to evaluate if my reasons are valid.  If I cannot come up with a good reason and it is just an overall feeling of not wanting to then I know it is the grief.  The week before last I felt that way about choir rehearsal and made myself go at the last minute.  It was a good thing and it helped to pull me out just a bit.

Other hard stuff arises.  Lauren drew a picture of Nathan and Julia for Julia.  She drew some hair but then questioned if she did it ok since she said she didn't know what he looked like with hair.  I guess in most of the pictures we have out he is either bald or wearing a hat.  This morning she came to me with the picture and asked me if I thought Julia would like it.  She showed me that she added a picture to it of Julia crying because now in the picture of Nathan he is dead.  I told her that I didn't think she would like it because who would want a picture of oneself crying.  I don't know what she really wanted to ask me.    I had to run downstairs and when I came back up she was lying in my bed with it very sad.  I just told her that Nathan loved her very much and, in fact, loved her just as much as he loved Julia and that he did know her (Lauren) and that she had just as much right to be sad as Julia does.  I have no idea if this was the issue.  I have no idea - but that is what I said.  Today she has a friend over.  Her friend likes to constantly talk about how Lauren's brother is dead.  She has a big brother the same age so I know it really hits home to her when she is with Lauren that Lauren's big brother is not here.  I understand her need to talk about it.  It is just a bit jarring at times.

January 2010 Pictures

Luke and I felt like we were still recovering from the holidays in January.  The lack of pictures proves it!

Do Re Mi Update

Remember this post about playing the glockenspiel in front of church?

See what resides in my house currently:

I love that the snake is involved - denoting the evil nature of the instrument.  Actually the glockenspiel and the snake are both waiting to go to the basement but I have not brought them down yet and am enjoying the strangeness.

The kindergarten choir director has sent the instrument home with Luke.  It needs a little fixing and she wants him to do it.  So - we have it and the question is, how quickly do we fix it?  We perform in a few weeks.  I am thinking it will take just a bit longer than that to repair....

Julia's Turn

I took Julia in for a well-child visit.  It was WAY overdue.  However, she is a "well child" so I guess with her being older with no issues I have neglected to bring her in.  They have no record of her height in their current system which goes back to Oct 2007.  So - it has been 3 or more years.  Geez!  She has been in for this or that but they only take her weight on those visits.

She is 52 inches - which is the 80th percentile for height.  She weighs 57 pounds which is 52nd percetile for weight and her BMI is 14.8 which is the 27th percentile.   So she is tall and slim... a good thing to be!

The doctor looked her over and declared her healthy and suggested I bring her back in a few years...

the club

I went for a mammogram today.  It was a baseline screening type due to some family history.  I'm getting close to 40 anyway.  No cause for concern.

Anyway I mention this because the tech started telling me about the procedure and made a comment that I didn't seem concerned and seemed pretty relaxed.  I told her I had a child with cancer and this seemed like pretty simple stuff compared to other medical tests.  She picked up on the "had" part and we had a discussion about child loss.  She lost her 17 year old in a plane crash 11 years ago.  It was a brief but meaningful conversation where she acknowledged some of the truths of losing a child and some perspective of being 11 years out and what things are easier and what things are not.  She made a comment about how sometimes chance meeting are not chance and I feel she was right.  I really needed to have a encounter with someone who knows - as you can tell from my angsty post from yesterday.

flashback

I was just standing at the kitchen window eating a piece of leftover cornbread for breakfast and was suddenly transported to the Memorial Sloan Kettering cafeteria on a busy weekday morning - standing by the muffin case, Nathan in a stroller, gathering breakfast before we went up the the pediatric floor.  All the smells and crowd noise came back.  So did an overwhelming feeling of being so glad not to be there but at the same time giving anything to be back there with Nathan.

snap out of it

I have a few posts brewing but this a prelude to one and is short and sweet.  I think that the people who love me but have not lost a child themselves (which is almost everyone) are really waiting and hoping for me to "snap out of it".  They know someone else who has lost a child or they read someone else's blog or they simply are just concerned for my and my families' well-being and so when I post a grief entry on here they get worried about me or they just start wishing for me to get to the "next place" or somehow progress to a different place. 

I know you are all well-meaning, but it just is defeating to know that I am being judged for where I am with my grief.  One who loves me very much recently compared my grief with someone else's and I know that person meant well but it hurt, because I am where I am and I feel what I feel and I am on my own time frame.

I will post soon about a letter I got and for some reason got buried on my desk until a few days ago.  A letter acknowledging my grief and admitting some of these feelings about waiting and hoping for me to "snap out of it" and then having a revelation about where I am.  Jude - if you are reading this, this is yours and I will be privately emailing you and then hopefully sharing more of what you said if you agree.

Bread!

Disclaimer:  I am reviewing this just because I love it.  There's none of that bloggy endorsement stuff going on here.

I recently ordered a cook book I had read an article about in the paper.  It is called

Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day: The Discovery That Revolutionizes Home Baking

The title isn't really accurate and I think the authors did not have a lot of choice because they quickly explain the title when you start reading.

The reality is you quickly mix together about 4 pounds (or more) dough at once and let it rise at room temperature initially for about 2 hours and then and store it in the fridge.  It is an especially moist dough so it does not dry out.  

You then can keep the dough for up to two weeks in the fridge and just grab 1 pound of dough at a time. You quickly shape it and let it rise for 30 minutes.  You preheat the oven for 20 minutes and bake for 30 minutes.  So - you have to have time at home while it rises and bakes but the actual hands on work on the day you bake the bread is only about 5 minutes. Since I am a stay at home mom it fits just fine into my schedule.  However, with planning ahead you could get up on the morning to shape the dough and let it rise while preheating and then bake for 30 minutes and take it out of the oven before work.  

Anyway - the bread this first week has been amazing!  Very crusty outside, moist and chewy inside.  The one pound loaf is a great size for the 4 of us.  I can always bake another loaf the next day if I want more since it is so easy.

I started with the basic white bread last week and next week I am going to try European Rustic bread.  I just finished baking up the last loaf (which is actually a bit more than 1 pound).  I am still perfecting the scoring of the top..here's a picture.

Julia is 8!

Happy 8th Birthday to Julia - See the end for current pic! I'll add today's cake picture later!

January  2002

January  2003

January  2004

January  2005

January  2006

January  2007

January  2008

January  2009

January  2010

Lauren's Song

I was getting ready this morning and Lauren was lying on the bathroom floor just singing a made up song. She was singing about people dying of cancer and that "everybody dies". Then she started to sing about how God is with you everywhere and with everyone at the same time, at your friend's house and at your grandma's house. She sung about how God is the King of Kings and all-powerful.

I think she may actually really get it.

Resolutions

I am not the type to make New Year's resolutions.  However I have made one silly one and one good one.

First - I was inspired by Kay to try to downsize my portions.  I don't have too much weight I want to lose (10 pounds max) but I know I eat more than I should and to just be aware of my eating and portions will be a good thing.

Secondly - I have decided to leave the last vestiges of the 80's behind and stop heavily lining the bottom of my eyes with eyeliner. Blessed - do I hear a cheer from CA on that one?

So - there you go.

Little Lauren stats

I took Lauren in for her 4 year old well-child visit yesterday.  They were too booked up to get her in until now although the Dr. told me she'd squeeze Lauren in anytime I wanted....she has a special interest in keeping Lauren healthy.   She basically said that to me yesterday while examining her.   She never caught Nathan's cancer and there is not reason she really should have up until that point but she still regrets it.

Anyway... Lauren is healthy and still small. However her growth curve is great - just way below average.

Here are the stats:

Height 39.5 inches - 38th percentile
Weight 29.5 pounds - 5th percentile
BMI: 13.0 - 0-1st percentile

To go along with December in review post

December in review

See - I could do a decade in review, or a year in review. However, December has been so light on posting I think I had better start right there. However, I wish you could just read my mind because I have a hard time putting it down. I seems to start writing and then feel too tired to go into all the detail needed. So - detail may be light but at least I will get the entry done!

As is true for almost everyone, December was a very busy month. My church choir puts on a big concert every year at the local performing arts center. We have many practices. The concert was great as usual. I feel so lucky to be able to sing with such a large choir (150) with a full orchestra. What fun!

Lauren had her preschool program somewhere in there. It was very cute and Julia even got to come because I was taking her out of school for a dentist appointment that afternoon anyway so I just picked her up early.

The girls had their ballet recital in December as well. This involved ringlets and buns and steaming, steaming and steaming of costumes. On Friday night for the dress rehearsal and then again on Saturday. Saturday morning was supposed to included a 3 hour rehearsal for Christmas Eve services for choir but I quickly realized I could not go and get home in time for all the hair and makeup. More on Christmas Eve later... The girls both did great and it was one of the best recitals so far.

The next morning after all the ballet we dropped off the girls at my friend Reeda's house. She had offered to watch them for us so we could attend my uncle's funeral in DC. We weren't sure we were really going to be able to go. There was a blizzard there on Saturday. We were really lucky and our flight left and got in without a hitch. We were even able to get a cab fairly easily in DC even though the airport's metro station was closed. We took the underground metro to a favorite restaurant for dinner after we got in. It was strange to be back in there with the ghost of my 23 year old self wearing a business suit eating there. It had been 10 years since I had been back. Oh -- I used to live there...seem to have left that detail out...

My uncle's funeral also seemed like it might not happen with the government closed. Fortunately it did happen, even though the burial did not. Once again, I fail to give you the proper details..it was at Arlington National Cemetery. Anyway, with the reception cancelled we went to my aunt's house instead and we able to mingle there. Luke and I got to retell the story of our meeting right there in that house, courtesy of my uncle. I am so thankful I was able to be there to attend the funeral and be with my aunt and cousins.

Luke and I got home without a snag and were off on the Santa train the next day. We day that every year. A good family friend is the Bard on the train (Cog Railway up Pikes Peak) and so we love going and singing along with him and his wife (who didn't get to join us at the last minute this year...) The weather was great and we had a lot of fun. Unfortunately I had awoken that morning with a terrible cold though. It had me sneezing repeatedly every few minutes!

The next day was Christmas Eve. In between the ballet, the travel and the Santa train I had not yet been able to do Christmas candy making and baking I wanted to do. So between than and my horrible cold I decided I could not sing at church. I had also missed all the rehearsals anyway. It was good to just be at home doing all those things and hanging out with the girls. We had appetizers and cocktails around the tree for dinner (a family tradition from my growing up that we rarely do) and then gather in a big family lump on the floor by the fire in the family room and watched Christmas Eve services on the internet. We even lit our own candles and sung along with the hymns. It was a really nice thing to do.

Christmas morning was lovely. The girls were both terribly excited about their stockings and gifts. I made a noon-time meal and we all enjoyed our gifts.

We spent the next few days awaiting my in-laws who were driving out but had to deal with snow in Kansas and ended up arriving Sunday afternoon. We had a few great days with them until they left this morning. Luke, Anna (his sister), and I all got to go see Avatar on the IMAX in 3D last night Wed. night. That was fabulous!

I capped off the last day by spending many hours this morning at a Noon Year's Eve event. I seem to somehow have failed to blog about this yet and I really need to, but I am on the board of a group of women trying to bring a Children's Museum to Colorado Springs. We put on a concert and countdown to noon today at the Fine Arts Center. It was crazy! We had a huge turnout and it went really well.

So there - just some of the stuff I should have been blogging all along this month. Not one sentence about my feelings in this one...just the facts. Hopefully more blogging to come. I started this blog three years ago this month...crazy!