Julia was very, very sad last night. She wouldn't say why. She finally accepted her stuffed bear with a picture of Nathan on it to sleep with.
Today she asked to sleep in the upper bunk and so we got it ready for her. She picked some of Nathan's sheets and his comforter to put on the bottom bunk. I stripped the top bunk. It still had sheets on it from his sleeping on it that hadn't been removed. The pillow and pillowcase he had died on were up on that bed - we were going to put it on the bottom bunk. I tried to put a different pillowcase on it for her but it wouldn't fit and so she picked a different pillow - thank goodness. I has some serious reservations of ever putting my head on it again. It will hopefully find its way into the extra pillows and get mixed in with them and just be a pillow again.
I took down the basketball poster he had up there and put a princess poster. It already fell down though. I decided to take all his clothes out of his dresser while I was at it. My mother-in-law is going to make a quilt out of some of them and we will be going to their house soon so it was a good thinkg to get done. Lauren was confused by it though. She said that those were Nathan's morning clothes and that he would need them. I said he didn't need them anymore and Julia told her he has new clothes in heaven. Then she said very quietly "at least we think he is in heaven". I tried to reassure her that he is but I understand that she is concerned about it all.
So - it hasn't been the best morning - we have just had word of yet another delay in our landscaping and it will now not be finished while I am here. I have serious issues with that since there are several finishing touches yet to be decided and now I will not have a say in it. We also need to go to the DMV.
8 comments:
I am sorry to hear Julia is having a hard time. I wondered how she felt about him being gone, and her still feeling like she shared a room with him. Nathan was so well loved, and now so sorely missed.
Oh, Susan. Wow. Those are hard moments. I am sorry. The idea of the quilt made of his clothes is cool, though.
Thank you for your comments. It is comforting to hear that you understand the intimacy that I was writing about. One friend told me, "You would never have been able to be that close (at Katie's age) if she hadn't been sick." I wonder about it, but perhaps she is right. My mom and I are really close, but we are so much older; maybe it takes time. Caring for someone who is so ill, helping with the baths, shots, medicines, toilet, etc. just breaks down all of the barriers, I guess. We talked about things that I never expected to discuss with anyone...and it was hard, but rewarding, because it seemed to open a channel to love so freely, at such a deep level. We are left with that love, aren't we? God bless you and your family.
Dealing with death must be so difficult when you are 6--it is difficult enough for those of us who are older. I'm glad that she is talking a little. I'm sure she needs some reassurance about where Nate is and that he is okay.
Maybe you should request that they finish your patio when you return. After all, they are the ones who couldn't do it on time, and it is important to you that it is done correctly. It should be their stress, not yours--you have had enough.
I'm sorry Julia is hurting. ;( I am thinking of her.
Hugs and prayers being sent your way. I'm glad Julia can voice some of her concerns....I am praying for her to have full reassurance of Nathan walking each day with Jesus.
Hope the week is getting better.
Sweet Lauren. I know that had to be hard on Momma all around.
(((HUGS)))
"Then she said very quietly 'at least we think he is in heaven'. I tried to reassure her that he is but I understand that she is concerned about it all."
What do you think she meant? Is she questioning the idea of people continuing beyond death, or do you think she is challenging our assumption that someone we love is in the good place versus the bad place?
At some point, very early, James started to challenge the idea of God very seriously. And that was absent any tragedy. Kate and I had a couple of academic type discussion when she was younger, but when James was seven he started declaring from time to time that there was just no such thing as God.
It makes me wonder about what she is wondering.
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