Kitchen...almost done

I cleared out the kitchen Feb. 20.

We got a sink March 15 and a range March 19.  So - we had two weeks of a functional kitchen.  We are getting floors this week.

Next week we will move stuff back in and all the trim, the valance and window sill will go in.   I am also having them fix and seal the grout in the backsplash because we used a grout product that shouldn't have needed to be sealed, but alas, clearly does so we need to fix that.

Singing

Yes - I am going to write a post - that is not pictures...but one of my other main subjects; singing.  (The other two I would say are grief and my kids.

As usual this time of year I am immersed in singing.  The pressure is high this year though, because despite the availability of a local auditioned Chorale that sings with our Symphony, they asked our church choir to perform in a special Good Friday concert.  We book the performing arts center every year for a full orchestra Christmas concert and it sells very well so I guess they thought it would be a built in crowd.  Also, we can sing with an orchestra - no problem.  The scary thing is the Philharmonic has a new conductor, who is Spanish and somewhat of a phenomena.  And again...we are just a non-auditioned church choir.  On Saturday the maestro came to our rehearsal and it was intense.  According to our director it went very well, but it was hard to evaluate.  He told us (in his spanish accent) that he loves choirs....but not very much.  He thought we might frighten the audience with our  breathing before we come in.  Since he is not a choir director, he treats us like any other instrument, which means we don't get a whole lot in the way of entrances or cut-offs.  Kinda scary.   However, we have been preparing the heck out of this music.  We have had extra section rehearsals for 6 weeks.  We had 3 rehearsals (plus Sunday services) last week.  We have rehearsals or church every day except for Tues. this week.  We have dress rehearsals with the orchestra on Wed and Thurs and the concert is Fri.  No time to rest because we go home and sleep and come back to rehearse for Easter Sat. morning then sing 4 services on Easter Sunday.

It is tiring, but awesome at the same time.  I sung with symphonies as a child in children's choir but not as an adult.  So that is an awesome opportunity.  Easter services are always the most uplifting fun services.  this year Lent has been very, very dark and so Easter Sunday is very upbeat, with several Gospel songs (that we all already know, thank goodness).

I still remember coming home from my first choir rehearsal in 2004, in the midst of Nathan's battle, traveling to NY, and 4 and 2 year old and Luke told me he couldn't remember when he had seen me so happy.  It is a HUGE blessing to me to be part of such a wonderful musical and worshiping committee.

One other thing..I hesitate to write because...well you'll see why...I am told quite often (in fact just yesterday) that people love to watch me sing.  At first I was flattered, then it turned into feeling like I had better live up to their expectations, to being kind of paranoid when it was at its peak of people coming up to me and wondering was I actually making a fool of myself up there in the choir loft, to being at peace with it again, because I am not putting on a show, nor trying to do anything in particular.  I just love to sing and worship and I guess it shows.

One of these things is not like the other

One of these things is not like the other...

I am biased but it seems plain to me that one of these is out of place in regards to the nature of being a follower of Jesus


E. Living in obedience to the Word of God

Progress in holiness is an expected response of gratitude to the grace of God, which is initiated, sustained, and fulfilled by the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit. The first re- sponse of gratitude is prayer, and the daily discipline of prayer – both individually and together – should mark the Christian life. The life of prayer includes praise to God for His nature and works, sincere confession of our sin, and intercession for the needs of those we know and for the needs of the world.
As we practice the discipline of regular self-examination and confession, we are especially guided by the Ten Com- mandments. We therefore hold one another accountable to:
1. worship God alone, living all of life to His glory, renouncing all idolatry and all inordinate loves that might lead us to trust in any other help;
2. worship God in humility, being reticent in either describing or picturing God, recognizing that right worship is best supported not by our own innovative practices but through the living preaching of the Word and the faithful administration of the Sacraments;

3. eliminate from both speech and thought any blasphemy, irreverence, or impurity;
4. observe the Sabbath as a day of worship and rest, being faithful in gathering with the people of God;
5. give honor toward those set in authority over us and practice mutual submission within the commu- nity of the church;
6. eradicate a spirit of anger, resentment, callousness, violence, or bitterness, and instead cultivate a spirit of gentleness, kindness, peace, and love; recognize and honor the image of God in every human being from conception to natural death.
7. maintain chastity in thought and deed, being faithful within the covenant of marriage between
a man and a woman as established by God at the creation or embracing a celibate life as established by Jesus in the new covenant;
8. practice right stewardship of the goods we have been given, showing charity to those in need and offering generous support of the Church and its ministries;
9. pursue truth, even when such pursuit is costly, and defend truth when it is challenged, recognizing that truth is in order to goodness and that its preservation matters;
10. resist the pull of envy, greed, and acquisition, and instead cultivate a spirit of contentment with the gifts God has given us.
In Jesus Christ we see the perfect expression of God’s holy will for human beings offered to God in our place. His holy life must now become our holy life. In Christ, God’s will is now written on our hearts, and we look forward to the day when we will be so confirmed in holiness that we will no longer be able to sin. As the pioneer and perfecter of our faith, Jesus leads us along the path of life toward that goal, bringing us into ever deeper intimacy with the Triune God, in whose presence is fullness of joy. 

Not hypothetical situation

So if you are part of an church where you are in disagreement with 88% of the people on what you feel is a minor issue, do you leave and find a different church where you agree with the majority or do you stay and stand up for what you believe?   What if you are told that you can never be part of the leadership because you are not like-minded.  What if you already give hours and hours of your time...but are told you can only serve in certain places.  Do you stay and keep serving with a smile on your face or do you feel devalued and become disinclined to serve?

On Blogging

I have some friends who have been discussing the possible reasons why their blogging has slowed way down.  So I have been thinking about that for myself.  Some reasons:

1.  I feel less comfortable sharing my thoughts publicly.

 I am not sure why this is.  I have several times thought about protected posts or something like that.  I guess I don't know who is reading and I feel more and more that as my circles expand I may say something that affects my relationships with people I come into contact with.  It was far easier to blog in the day that my blog was read mostly by people I didn't know face-to-face.

2.  My stage of life is transitional right now.

I am figuring out what my "stay-at-home" mom career is going to morph into now that the kids are in school full-time.  I feel kind of silly writing about my life on here - like people will judge - but I think it is my own insecurities.  I really should write a post on this topic.

3.  It is easier to throw one sentence onto Facebook than write a whole post

I am sure there are more, but that's what I have right now.  I would like to blog more, but need to figure out these issues.

January and February 2012 Pictures

I have taken next to zero pictures this year.  The paltry few can be viewed below.  There are more pictures of my kitchen than my children...we are still in construction right now...I will post an update to that. (rss folks...pictures below)

Julia is Ten!

Julia turned ten on Sunday.  We had a busy weekend so she got a three part celebration.  On Friday night we went and got her ears pierced.

Saturday night I made a meal of her request:  barbecue pork ribs, homemade bread and salad.

On Sunday we had dinners with friends and I brought a birthday cake along.

I took her to the Dr. today...Julia is 4' 10" (90th percentile) and 74 lbs (54th percentile)  It was a quick in and out because she is doing great!

Kitchen post #1

We are redoing our kitchen.  Yes, it is exciting, but yes, the expense gives me nightmares.  There is a hole in the cabinet under the sink.  It is leaking water into the laundry room - but I caught it fairly quickly and put a mat on the bottom of the cabinet and so no more leaking.  The leaking itself is just the standard sink leakage from the pull-out faucet.  In the past there have been other more major leaks under there.  The cabinet holding our dishes has a shelf that is sagging dangerously.  I hope it can hold out a few more weeks and all my dishes don't break.   The tile floor has at least 8 cracked tiles.  There are other problems...so onward we go with the remodel.

I wrote a post about the kitchen a few years ago here.   And yes, when the kitchen is done we will have to keep it neater.

The cabinets are ordered...they are a medium maple.  They will go all the way to the ceiling with crown molding.  We are tearing out the closet-style pantry and putting in a pull-out cabinet.

I am trying to figure out countertops...was going to do quartz..now leaning towards granite because I haven't found a quartz I like.

Anyway...stay tuned for updates..the cabinets are due to come in on Feb. 22.

Annual Lauren doctor post

I have a nice history about freaking out about Lauren's health and her slight size and pale complexion.

It has been pretty good lately - it used to be an every 6 month thing to so.

I took her in for her 6 year old well-child visit.

As usual - she is small - right on her curve though!

She is 38 pounds (9th percentile)
45 inches (48th percentile)
13.1 BMI (3rd percentile)

She has been complaining of a stomach ache on a daily basis, so I brought that up.  We talked about bowels and diet and didn't see any red flags.  There is a x-ray machine right in the office so we went down the hall and Lauren had an X-ray of her abdomen.  The tech looked at the images and then came in and quizzed me about what her specific complaints were and asked if she had much vomiting and nausea.  The would be red flag #1 - the tech coming back and asking questions AFTER looking at the scans.

The her doctor went to look and took 15 minutes - which was red flag #2 because why on earth would it take that long.
I was trying not to worry - but after standing next to Lauren in the x-ray room too many flashbacks were occurring.
I was waiting for red flag #3, perhaps being asked to step out of the room or her doctor not looking at me in the eye when she came back in, but she finally arrived.
Despite normal bowel habits and bowel sounds, it seems Lauren is "backed up" quite far.  I questioned the doctor how she knew it was poop (and not something else was the unspoken question). She told me it is distinctive looking.

So - I will put her on fiber for now.  She eats tons of fruits and veggies as it is, so a diet change can't really help.  We will then consider testing her for celiac and food allergies if she is still having the stomach aches after a month or so.

Here are some old posts about her doctor visits and size...if interested.


5 years Lauren 5 year stats

4 years Little Lauren stats

3 years Lauren's Appointment

2 years Little Lauren

Christmas Pictures over the years

December 2011

December 2010

December 2009 (same dresses as year before)

December 2008

December 2007

December 2007

December 2006

December 2005

December 2004

December 2004

December 2003 (in New York City)

December 2002

December 2001

December 2000

December 1997

December 2011

Happy New Year!

December was a good and busy month.  You'll notice the lack of Dance pictures this year.  Neither girl is doing dance.  Julia chose Musical Theater (see pictures from last month where she is dressed in a hat - she is a Newsie)  Lauren decided that rushing off to ballet right after a full day of school didn't suit her.  The second Monday she started crying right off the bus and asked if she had to go right to dance.  She is doing full-day kindergarten, violin, and children's choir at church and that is enough for now.  She would love to be taking swimming lessons but we cannot fit them into the schedule because they are either twice a week after school or Saturday mornings, and both girls have group music lessons most Sat. mornings.

I was busy with my choir's annual large Christmas Concert and then the usual December rush, along with a little bit of work.

Luke's parents came out for Christmas and we had a wonderful time with them.  I rounded out the year with the NOON Year's Eve event for the Children's Museum we are trying to build here in town.

As far as grief goes - this Christmas season was easier to handle than previous Christmases, and I am grateful for that.

(rss readers...slideshow below)

November 2011 Pictures

Another month gone by...

November was a busy one.  It was full of performances and rehearsals for the girls and I.  Lauren turned six.  My brothers and parents came during Thanksgiving week.

Here's the proof!  Though it seems I didn't really take pictures of all the performances.

(slideshow below)

The what I have been up to lately, with pictures, post will occur in a day or two.  This is more about the everyday stuff.

Well, it was going to be anyway.  I started to type it up and realized how ridiculous it all sounded.  One of the things I plan to do before January is to figure out why I am busy...or at least feel so busy.  That sounds stupid, too.  I think that the reality is that I am involved with many small to medium sized things, and my brain is not sorting it all out well.  Today I am fairly un-busy.  I set my alarm for 6:30 and woke up Lauren so she could get ready for school and then she practiced violin, which is a another post in the making, because she and I have been struggling, so it wasn't the most fun morning activity.  Luke took the girls to the bus and I got dressed and sorted through a few things to get ready for my day.  I went to downtown at 9:15 for a meeting for the children's museum that we are trying to build, until about 11:30.  I went and grabbed Jimmy John's for Luke and I and stopped by someone's office at church to talk to them about their other job, for which I wanted to hire them on for a children's museum event.  I then went to an hourlong meeting at church.  At 1:30 we were done so I headed to a part of town with lots of little shops and tried to Christmas shop.  I gave up and went to a coffee shop, where I am now.  I will leave soon to be home in time to meet the school bus.  Normally on Wednesdays, we are off to church for dinner and children's choirs, but we are don for the semester, so this is why I can relax this afternoon, instead of prepared and I don't have to hurry the kids with homework and instrument practice after school today either, which is nice.

I guess I envisioned generally freer days than I have.  I am just involved in a lot, I guess.

Children's Museum (2 hours a week or so)
Little Job (2 hours a week or so)
Choir (included driving time, 7 hours a week normally, more than that around holidays)
Children's Choir (3-4 hours a week)
Bible Study (3 hours a week or more, depending now much study I do)
Help at school (1.5 hours a week)
Helping Lauren practice/lessons (3-4 hours a week)

Five years ago

December 2006 Julia, Lauren and I flew home from NY, where Lauren and I had been since September with Nathan.  I took this picture of Julia and Lauren probably before going to church.  Lauren is wearing that dress now.  How time flies...

October 2011 Pictures

I really need to recap, so, briefly:

Lauren lost her two top teeth ("lost" being not quite correct because Luke pulled one and I pulled the other when they were so loose they had to come out.  Lauren wasn't terribly happy with us but got over it quickly)

We went on a "hike", which was more of a walk, with our friends and took some family pictures.

I went to California to visit my sister-friend Lisa.

Luke was gone for a week on business.

Halloween!

Oh - and I forgot to do Sept. pictures though there are not many - see them here.

  

Different Families

Something that has been breaking my heart lately.

Julia's family:  Mommy and Daddy and Nathan and Lauren

Lauren's family:  Mommy, Daddy and Julia.

No Nathan.  She is learning to write - she writes about all of us but not him.  Her "My Family" project for school, - no Nathan.  I didn't ask, didn't push.  I just asked it there were any other pictures she wanted.  I then asked if she wanted any pictures from when she was younger and she said no.  So that's it.

I don't blame her.  She was only 20 months old when he died.  He is just an idea to her.  He is a stranger in pictures.  I just wish she understood how much he loved and adored her and that she does have a big brother.

I just makes me really sad.

Anesthesia Joke Repost

With all the Propofol in the news these days it made me want to repost this.  Nathan received propofol for most of his bone marrow aspirations and biopsies.  Sometimes they let me be in the room with him and they would push it and he would be asleep instantly.

Nathan: I know why it is called propofol !
Me: Why?
Nathan: because when they give it to you it makes you FALL asleep and then you wake up and try to walk and you FALL down.

I had Nathan tell the anesthesiologist who said it was her first propofol joke. It is cuter coming out of Nathan because he says "purplefall" instead of "pro.poe.fall"

September 2011 Pictures

Hmm - sees like I forgot to post September pictures...I am going to backdate this post though! What did we do in September? I cannot recall! It looks like I had a birthday and we went to an Air Force football game.

 

39

So, yesterday I turned 39.  A week ago or so Luke and I celebrated 14 years of marriage.

We are terrible in the household about celebrating anything that isn't Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Easter.

On our anniversary, Luke had meetings all day and an dinner/evening meeting at church where he had to present something and I was sick.  Needless to say, we didn't celebrate.  Luckily we had an impromptu lunch out the day before.

On my birthday I had a meeting and Luke met me for lunch and then we went to church after school (after arguing with Lauren about her violin practice with which she was having a hard time taking my coaching).  We had dinner at church and then worked with the kindergarten choir.  I am directing it this year so I asked them to sing me happy birthday :)

Luke and I have agreed that next year we celebrate big for 40 and for 15 years of marriage and then when his turn comes for 40 we celebrate that too.  We have a tentative plan for a large awesome trip with my parents that may span our anniversary and my birthday (which is also my mom's birthday) so that would certainly be great.

It is good that Luke and I are compatible in our celebrating styles but sometimes that means we could both use a kick in the rear because we tend not to celebrate things and while that is fine, on the other hand, why not celebrate things?  We need excuses to celebrate and have fun from time to time.  We are so busy and we also purposely ignored some celebrations soon after Nathan died because they were so painful that we have gotten into a rut.

So - I hope to report some fun celebrations this time next year!

Life now

So - there has now been month of school already!  A month in which the girls leave the house at 8:00 and return at 3:45.   It is a new stage of life for me.  Last year with four half days a week for Lauren we were so busy during the day.  She needed things to keep her occupied the other half of the day.

The first weeks have been pretty busy for me actually.  My parents were here at the beginning and then I started cramming for Mendelsson's Elijah, which the choir had been working on all summer while I was traveling and otherwise unable to rehearse.  I was also preparing to direct the kindergarten choir this year and going to more meetings than usual for the Children's Museum as there is some really great momentum going on there.  Dropped into the middle of these weeks was a job opportunity as well.

So, I sit here in the middle of September.  Elijah was on the 11th and went really well.  It is the most demanding piece of music I have ever sung, partly because it is 2.5 hours of singing and also because it is just difficult music.  I was on the verge of giving up but I am glad I stuck with it.   There were many hours of rehearsal at church as well as at home.  We are back to normal choir hours but only for a month because we will start working hard for our Christmas concert very soon.  I am blessed to be part of such a large talented choir.

The first kindergarten choir night was on Wednesday.  I had a lesson plan and it actually worked very well.  I have been helping in that choir for a few years now so I knew what to expect.  I have never directed anything before though.  Fortunately it went as well as possible.  Going forward it should be less stressful.

The Children's Museum project is gaining momentum on two independent fronts that should converge next month and could really make the museum a reality.  It is fascinating to have in inside look at how this city works, who makes it happen, and see such exciting visions for the future.  We've had nothing but negative for a few years.

Through a connection I was offered a very small bookkeeping/administrative job that I will do from home for just 3 hours a week or so.  It will start in October and I am excited about tipping my big toe back out into the working world.  I had assumed I would have to start at something outside my field so it is great that it involves a teeny bit of accounting.  It is a far cry from my last job as a CFO but that is just fine for now!  I think there will be similar opportunities in the future, and there are even a few possibilities cropping up, but this job is fine for now.

I will also be helping out at the school and perhaps some volunteering in the children's music ministry office at church.  Luke and I are also on the Stewardship committee which will be busy in October.  Oh, and I am starting to attend Tuesday morning women's bible study.

The girls are continuing their music lessons and are both making great strides.  Lauren is dropping ballet but she really wants to add swimming.  Swimming is twice a week after school though, so hard to fit in to our schedule.  She may have to wait for spring.  Lauren has been pretty tired getting used to full day school.  Julia has a musical theater class in addition to her cello and she loves it.  They will be doing excerpts from Newsies.  Both girls are in choirs at church while Luke and I are doing the kindergarten choir.

So - life is busy, and good.  This morning I am still in PJs with a few errands to run and tasks to complete but I am feeling pretty lucky to have this down time.  Luke is working very hard, as usual, at work.

Oh, and yes, I wish I had a sixth grade boy's schedule to add into this mix.

Vivid dream

I often write about Nathan dreams..this wasn't one.  I also often have dreams where I die - this one is different.  This dream woke me up a 6:22 this morning.

It was widely circulating that the world was going to end.  I sort of believed it but was skeptical as well.  I dropped of Lauren at Luke's parents house and told her I would come back to get her later.  I then was driving north on I-25 and I called Luke because it was almost the supposed time for the world to end.  I told him kind of lightly it was almost time and we kind of laughed but then ahead of me I saw the city just collapsing in flames and I told him that it was happening and I told him I loved him but I was very calm and at peace.  I had a sensation of falling and falling and falling and as I fell I cried out to Jesus, but not in fear, in anticipation and love.

Then, I woke up.

Wow - I have just never had a dream like that that involved my faith.  It was not a nightmare, per se, but it certainly rattled me enough to wake up, and I supposed the dream had to end because when I was done falling, I would have been dead.

It is one of those that is still with me, many hours later...

August 2011 Pictures

Where has time gone?  We returned home to Colorado from Illinois on August 1.  It was our hottest drive through Kansas...112 degrees on the van's thermometer...crazy!

We came home and started to get ready for school ahead of my parents' arrival.   They were here for five days and we had a wonderful time doing summer activities.  The last time they were here in the summer was the summer Nathan died and of course we weren't doing anything fun.  In fact, the many preceding summers that they visited were all to help us out with Nathan and the girls and so we really never had a chance to do anything outside.

We went to parks and the zoo an we had a wonderful outside german meal at a restaurant.  The weather was simply perfect.

School began the day before they left and activities begun to commence and August ended with our lives back in school year mode.  Both girls are gone from 8 - 3:45.  I will write more in an upcoming post about what I am doing with my newfound time this year.

As you will see we managed a family hike to a waterfall and I also went downtown to see the prologue of the USA Pro Cycling Challenge - that was really cool.

(slideshow below not visible on rss)

 

Candy Pants

Candy Pants is what I call these pajama pants.  I rarely wear them - they are high waters now, but they are really comfortable.  I grabbed them out of my drawer the other day and have been wearing them this week.

Why am I blogging about them?

They are full of memories.  Five years ago Nathan and I went to New York city to stay for about 10 days and have him start a new clinical trial.  So new, he was the first human to try it.  The doctor in charge of the research told us it it could be "a cure".

After the first treatment and we were getting close to our return date we had an appointment where the doctor told us that he really didn't want Nathan to go home because no one had ever had this treatment before they were concerned about unknown side effects.  I still remember the call home to talk to Luke about it.

So - we didn't go home (not until December).  Fall came to New York City and all I had packed were summer clothes.  I went to Old Navy to do a little shopping and bought the candy pants (since Halloween was the next holiday and so they were the cheapest long pajama pants they had).  Luke and Julia eventually came to visit with some more clothes for Nathan and I, but I must not have requested any more pajama pants because I wore the candy pants every single night.

It is hard to believe that was 5 years ago.  There are so many memories.  I was just remembering when Nathan was in the hellish in-patient run there and we just scanned him and he had progressed on treatment.  He was neutropenic and his counts were not coming back.  They were insisting on giving him shots to raise his counts even though the medicine could be given by IV.  They felt it was more effective in the shot form.  That day, I knew there would be no cure for Nathan.  I grabbed one of the residents and pleaded for the IV form.  I heard the usual spiel about shot versus IV. and I told them that he had this scan and that I felt he was now terminal and I was not going to allow him to give him a shot when he could have an IV.  I had turned the corner from trying to save him to preserving his quality of life.

Now I remember why that memory came up.  Luke and I were discussing the fact that we never had "the talk" (for you non-cancer parents that would be the your-child-is-going-to-die talk).  We realized we didn't need the talk because we had been running the show and making the decisions for quite a while and so we could see that when the last great attempt was made, and his bone marrow could not longer handle chemo, and his disease was still progressing, that it was the end.  No doctor had to tell us that.  I am glad for that.  We didn't give up - we then researched all other available trials at the time and had phone calls with the famous Dr. S. in Vermont who rescued several children and Nathan just couldn't do what was mandatory chemo for that trial at the time.

Anyway..so the candy pants...you see how no memories are simple when it comes to what we have been through.  So many things are chained together.  I don't mind wearing them..I am sure I snuggled with Nathan while I had them on.

Kindergarten!

Lauren went off to Kindergarten this morning!  I finally got to send two kids together on the bus - four years later than it was supposed to happen.  Nathan should have been off to his first day of middle school today.

Pictures over the years...

Julia's first cello recital

Julia is doing great with the cello.  Unfortunately for her we started at the end of the school year and so she has missed so many lessons between camp, her teacher's vacation and our vacation.  So - we really has had maybe a month's worth of lessons at this point and 2 group classes.

She had her first group recital last Thursday.  She had fun and did great.  She was sad that her big brother was not there to see her.  There is a video in this post not showing up in rss…here is a link 

July 2011 Pictures and Summary

So, July...Busy!

We left for Hilton Head to visit my parents at the very end of June. We had a great time at the beach and pool and watching fireworks. The girls also got to spend time with our friends Tammy and Larry and their daughter Brady (Tammy used to take care of Julia and Nathan but she lives in NC now). Luke and I took the opportunity to spend the night in Savannah in the historic district and had a great time walking around and being together there.

We came home for about 10 days.  Luke had a birthday, the girls had vacation bible school and I got some things done and school shopping and then the girls and I left for Illinois, leaving Luke at home working. We spent the night with our good friends in Kansas City so we could hang out an dI wouldn't have to drive the 15 hours by myself in one day (which we usually do and did coming home). A few days later, having left the girls in the hands of their grandparents, I flew to DC as did Luke from home. We met up at the airport and immediately went for a late dinner at one of our favorite restaurants from when we lived there. Luckily it was exactly the same as it used to be and we had a great meal. The next day (a Sunday) we went to hang out with my Aunt Eleanor. We had lunch at our favorite lunch spot and relaxed and caught up. Late afternoon we headed out to drive by our old apartment and to see the chapel where we were married. You will see some pictures of us in front of it. We thought about going down to the mall to see the monuments but it had been record heat and it was pretty parked up so we just drove around and enjoyed the view from the car. It is not like we haven't visited those sites many times before. We will take the girls sometime. After that we took the kid-free opportunity to go see the final Harry Potter and had popcorn and raisinets for dinner.

The next day Luke went into his office. His office is actually in the DC area but he has worked from home for 13 years. So - he put in an appearance there and we met for dinner with one of his colleagues. After dinner Luke worked very late on the presentation for the next day so I just watched TV in the hotel.

The next morning we drove up to Trenton, NJ. Luke has been going there for years for work so it was interesting to see it for myself. Its reputation precedes it.

I drove to nearby Princeton and did some shopping and then went back to the hotel. Luke met me there later and we went out to a big team/client dinner in Princeton. It was a fabulous meal and fun to meet some of his co-workers and clients I had heard so much about. The next day I was on my own again. I seriously considered going to either Six Flags or its water park but did not in the end. I ended up doing some shopping and read for a while at Panera. I picked Luke up and we drove back to DC, stopping for some fondue in Wilmington DE. We flew back to Illinois the next morning and spent the next few days with his family before we drove home. There was record heat everywhere we went. The van's thermometer read 112 degrees in the middle of Kansas and we drove home. We had a bonfire while we were in Illinois even though it was so hot. The girls love it so much so we had to do it. You will see in the pictures how hot and sweaty we were!

We arrived home on August 1 so that is our July. School starts in less than two weeks and we are all looking forward to that!

Gone fishing..

We've been away on vacation for most of July...School starts August 15!  There will soon be many pictures of our adventures this month.  Fortunately the activities for the year don't all kick in until September so I will have a little less of a shock as we build up to the crazy school year schedule.

Yes, we passed the four year anniversary of Nathan's death on the 29th.  We spent it together as a family and just got through it without too much acknowledgment - which is what we usually prefer to do.  Even after four years I don't want to fully embrace all that pain on that particular day...what is the point?

Photo book done

Well - there was a sale I couldn't beat and since I am struggling with Nathan's death anniversary coming up anyway it seemed to make sense to go ahead and make the final photo book with Nathan.  I was going to try to share it here, but the service makes you sign up and also, it just seemed a little too private for a completely public forum like this. In the end..I didn't put the worst of the pictures but put the ones where is he doing something interactive even if he looks bad.  I put in his obituary and the program from the funeral along with pictures of the girls from the day of his funeral.

More grief stuff

If you recall, I wrote about the physical manifestation of my grief a while back here.

I did have an "attack" a few days after Nathan's funeral and then was relatively well for a while after that with occasional "episodes" that I though were medical and now think were caused by anxiety/grief.  It seems that instead of the passing of time helping, it is getting worse.  One of the things is my startle reflex which gets really overactive.  I had a bizarre jolt driving home from the airport where there was a slower car in the lane in front of us and I saw it and let out a big gasp and nearly startled Luke into an accident.  Really small things cause a huge overreaction at the base level, before I have control over them.  It is crappy.

Passing Nathan's birthday and approaching his date of death has me at the verge of tears and experiencing some of these things.  It is really frustrating because I am planning some things where I have to be "on" and the thought that my mind/body may betray me is really depressing.  I do not like being weak and vulnerable.  More than that - it is just not my personality.  I guess you might say no one likes that, but it really is just not me.

Yes - I guess I am whining...forgive me because I know it could be worse

Laundry Room Project

My friend Lori visited not long ago and told me how she rearranged her laundry room to avoid piles of clothes around the house.  I LOVED the idea....more on what it was later.

What we have done for our whole adult lives is to do laundry, usually all the loads in one day and dump in on our master bed to fold.  Often, we are too busy and it gets stuffed back into laundry baskets.  Then some might get folded but the hanging stuff would get thrown on the benches at the end of our bed to be hung up at some point.  That point happened rarely.  Our bedroom was always filled with laundry.   The drying wrack was usually in the basement/office area and Luke used a baby gate to expand the hanging space.

The laundry room was the dumping ground of the whole house.  We have a crawl space whose entry is a 2.5 foot door about 3 feet of the ground.  You have to launch yourself in there.  So - whenever something needs to go in there it sits in the laundry room for a while.  We also keep our luggage under the stairs.  We had a hamper that held all our paper goods instead of laundry and a garment rack that sat on the floor and would get piled with stuff at the bottom.  I owned at least 4 vacuum/steam cleaner type of machines which all lived there as well as all our extra pillows and various other linens.  There was also a very old high chair that my dad used as a kid, wrapping paper, light bulbs, ziploc bags etc.  Oh and parts of a bed frame.

So - we took everything out of there...every single thing.  It filled up half of our basement.

Then we bought shelves.  We bought enough shelves to hold all our folded clothes on.  I also bought cloth baskets for socks and underwear and a bin for mismatched socks.  We found a wall-mounted garment rack that has a shelf and bought an additional folding wrack to dry clothes on.  Lastly I bought some smaller clothes baskets so that the girls could carry their clean clothes three stories up to their rooms.  That is the idea, that once there are piles, they bring them up and put them away and bring the basket back down.  Clothes that come out of the dryer are hung or folded IMMEDIATELY right in the laundry room.  It really only takes 5 minutes or so and it is amazing how much easier it is to just fold one load at a time.

So - no more piles of laundry in the house!  No more long-term dumping in the laundry room because the system is in place and anything waiting to go into the crawl space will be very apparent and more likely to get put away sooner.  The paper goods are on a shelf by the washer that I had, but was full of stuff I didn't need so I threw away a bunch and made some room.  I have enough space to have one large pack of each paper good item (from costco etc) but not more than that, but that is fine.  I am getting rid of some of the vacuum things and moved the steam cleaner to an empty space in the garage since I hardly ever use it.  We got rid of a few luggage items and all we have fits nicely in the space now.

So - with that I will give you the pictures...everything full from yesterday because of all the laundry from our trip.  In a day or two the shelves will be empty.

as you walk into the room, clothe racks, socks and underwear drawers

view of drying racks, garment rack, pantry

drying racks and ziplocs

clothes racks, sock and underwear drawers, baskets, vacuum, luggage under the stairs

laundry supplies, paper supplies

The terrible crawl space door

June 2011 Pictures

So - obviously I have really been slacking at the blogging thing.  I am getting ready to to June pictures and think that I should recap the month a little.

The first week in June was quiet for the first few days with music lessons and some swimming.  On June 5, Julia went off to camp with our church.  This was her first time at sleep-away camp and she loved it.  She couldn't get rid of us fast enough when we dropped her off.  She kept hugging us and saying bye and waiting for us to leave.  We were looking around so we said goodbye and let her go off.  She came home on  the next Friday night.  I somehow kept Lauren busy the week she was gone.  The poor thing had to run a bunch of errands with me but we also went swimming, went to a dog show, played in the fountain downtown and went to the library.

The next week we took it easy.  The girls both went to the dentist and both have loose teeth.  Lauren's adult teeth are actually almost all the way up behind the baby teeth.  I am trying to see how long to wait until they will need to be pulled.  They are a little looser but they need to come out soon.

Julia has had several cello lessons and is now playing half of twinkle twinkle.  While she was at camp I took my cello to her teacher who looked it over for me and recommended a few tweaks so it is in the shop right now.  Julia is loving the cello and is looking forward to a more consistent schedule of lessons.

See, I should have blogged sooner because looking at the calendar my mind is a bit blank but I know we were busy with things most days so who knows!  Looking at the pictures reminds me they played in the sprinklers a few times.  It's funny how much fun can be had in sprinklers.

We did go on a mini hike for father's day and out for a beer.

As you will see pictures are scant.

We just returned home from visiting my parents in Hilton Head Island, SC.  We were there for a few days in June but the bulk was in July so I am saving those pictures for July.

Summer Trip

June 16, 2000

Ellie

I am writing this post for a reader, who until recently had no idea we had a dog.

This is Ellie.  Her full name is Eleanor, named after my aunt Eleanor, who said that if no one would name their child after her, perhaps they would name a dog after her...and because we love her so much, we did!

We got Ellie a few months after we bought our first house in early 1999.  We headed to the local humane society and while I was hoping for a terrier, we say this beautiful 4 month old dog and fell in love.  She is some sort of shepherd mix.  Another person had dibs on Ellie once she was availble for adoption in a few days.  They had until a certain hour to come get her and so we showed up at our appointed time and were thrilled that she was still there and ours for the adopting.

She was very nervous on the car ride home and also when we got to the house.  She had never seen stairs before and it took several days to convince her to go up and down them.

We tried keeping her in a crate but she cried and cried.  One night I went to go sleep with her in the basement (with her in her crate) and she cried so I let her outside and she refused to come in.  After that night she slept outside at night for about 2 years.  Sometime 2 years later when I was sleeping in Nathan's room due to his teething I realized she took to barking in the early morning hours (his room was on the back side of the house) so we couldn't let he sleep outside anymore and she transitioned to sleeping inside again.

Ellie doesn't like other dogs or older men.  We wonder if she was abused by an older man before we got her.  She loves to chew her nylabone and likes to dribble her tennis ball.  When she was younger she loved to play with two of her toys at once.  If enough of our family settles down in one room of the house together she is very happy and will go find her bone and bring it in to chew with us all.  Luke has worked from home her whole life and so her routine, especially in the last several years, is to go down to the basement with him to work and sleep down there with him all day.  For that reason, she doesn't like weekends when she waits by the basement door for him to go down there.

She has had a few surgeries over the years.  She has canine lupus on her nose and is developing cataracts now.  She will be 13 in November.  She is a very good dog!

Ellie when we just brought her home

Me with Ellie as a puppy

Ellie and baby Nathan

Julia and Ellie (2004) after she cut her tendon on lawn edging

Luke, Lauren and Ellie

Ellie after surgery to repair her "knee"

Her favorite place to sleep

The rest of these pictures are of Ellie currently, the first several in desperate need of de-furring and the last after being groomed.

I have tried to fix my comment posting ability - so if you have failed in the past - try again!