I have a post churning in my mind about this Christmas Season and grief. I haven't found the energy to write it yet. I have been very busy with our Choir concert, which was yesterday, and remain busy in preparation for Christmas eve services for both my choir and the kids service which Julia is in.
I am not sleeping well - night terrors are at their height at the moment. I am feeling anxious, worthless, fat, useless, all those things... and more. Not that you could see much of that if you ran into me out somewhere. I'm functioning. I have always been pretty good at burying everything going on with me so that even those who love me can't see it.
3 comments:
Aww hon! I knew the Holiday Season would be hard for you again. I know you withdraw when you are feeling down, so I guess I knew, deep down, that you are struggling. (((HUGS))) Call me if you need anything. A few of us are thinking of doing dinner and drinks Saturday, you should come if you find the energy. Love you.
Susan - please know that you are closely in my thoughts and prayers. God truly created you perfectly in His image. You are wonderful. I pray for God's peace to rest in you and to give you comfort. I read an amazing book called 'The Shack" that I highly recommend. I have a copy that I could send to you.
love -- Katie
I am so sorry you are feeling so bad. I haven't had to face the loss of a child, but I can imagine enough to get a tiny glimpse of how heartbreaking and terrible it would be. I can easily believe the holidays can escalate such pain, if that is even possible.
Please know your worth on this earth is immeasurable, particularly to the two little girls that call you mommy. (I thought it was the sweetest thing that your little 3 yr old is most thankful for Mommy. Most kids (my own included) would say toys or TV shows or candy or such.) You are beautiful, inside and out. And it is through your love and words that so many people grew to love Nathan, people who never met him. Because of you his story has been told and will continue to touch others for a long time.
I hope you can get through roadblock and feel joy again soon. You deserve to feel joy, even though that joy will always be tempered with grief at some level. God bless you.
Rita
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