So - I just don't know how to have a normal reaction to childhood illness. I guess it is not surprising but I just don't know how I will get through the rest of my girls' childhoods. It seems when I see some kind of symptoms I initially overreact, but then when I start thinking about it maybe I underreact just so that I am not overreacting. I have lost sight of what a "normal" parent would be concerned about.
As usual, I am concerned about Lauren. She is always tired. She walks around saying "I am So So So tired". She probably does not get enough sleep, but still - what almost three year old says that! She is pale, she has dark circles under her eyes. Well - at times I was a pale child with dark circles under my eyes - so that is probably just genetic.
Today after preschool she looked wiped out so I asked her what was the matter. She said " My breathing is just hard today". What does that mean? I checked her out in my mommy way - I counted her respirations and listened to her breathe with my ear on her back. I looked at her lips and nails to see if they were at all bluish. I took her temperature. All were normal. I wish I had a pulse-ox thingy. If you recall, she had to have an echocardiogram about a year ago due to a very pronounced heart murmer. The doctor said she was just fine. I wonder though.
I was tempted to take her to the doctor after that comment but that is when I get so screwed up and feel like I have no perspective. She has an appt. on Nov. 18 for her three year checkup. I am going to voice my concerns and request they test her hemoglobin. So - I am just trying to wait until then. Meanwhile I am afraid maybe there is something wrong with her and I shouldn't wait. But, there is nothing I hate more than taking a child to the doctor and having them tell me she is perfectly fine. I feel like an idiot. Plus, it is only a few weeks until that appointment, would I then need another appointment for the three year appointment?
Ughh.
As an aside, my friend Sherry, who is president of the non-profit I am working with and whose daughter died of neuroblastoma, is in the hospital with another of her daughters. Her daughter was on the bus and the bus driver was egged on by the kids to go over a dip fast and she did and this little girl hit her head on the ceiling and landed on her abdomen and lacerated her liver. Beside the obvious horrors of this accident she is having a hard time being in the hospital with another daughter. I went to visit her on Sunday and it sucked just to be visiting. As I have said before, the universe is not fair and losing a child does not make your other kids immune. I wish it would. Her daughter is expected to recover fully, thank god.
7 comments:
I have the same problem with health-worries now. It's not a rational thing; I can talk myself through some of it, but I can also panic if I don't keep on top of my imagination. However, if I were experiencing what you just described, I'd be upset, too, and I wouldn't hesitate to go to the doctor whenever you want to go. They should understand after all that you have been through, and they should support whatever is the best for you as a family, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I say, Follow your heart. God bless you!
No enlightened advice, but I say trust your instinct. I've had a pediatrician say to me that they realize the vast majority of office visits are for the *parents peace of mind...and that is just fine with them. I wish I was right down the street and could bring over our pulse ox!
I have no idea if this helps, but I think you're right to want to talk about her complaining of tiredness pretty often, and I think waiting for her appointment is the way I would go.
I'm not sure I'm normal, but that's what I'd do.
I assume the bus driver was fired...? Isn't "not doing what the kids ask you to do" almost a primary job requirement of being a school bus driver? Seriously, that's just bizarre.
I have had to take kids into the doctor within 3 weeks of a scheduled appointment more times than I can count. (Most recently, Ethan's face-plant 3 days before his laser treatment). Something about that yearly physical on the calendar seems to trigger an attack of the flu or a need for stitches. I say if you are nervous, take her in. 21 days is a long time to wait and you'll spend the whole time analyzing and over-analyzying everything she does and says. Your peace of mind is worth it.
Beth
Hi Susan -- I echo what Beth said. Considering that Lauren is mentioning to you that it is hard to breath and that she is tired, I would take her in and have her checked out. What does Luke say?? What does he see in Lauren?
thinking about all of you --
love -- Katie
Why not call the doctor's office and talk to the nurse? I'm sure they would give you their opinion as to whether or not they should see her before her appointment. Kathy
Susan, I hope this is appropriate here. My heart just aches for you guys.
Father in heaven. I pray for my dear friends the Gentry's and the trials they have seen--that you have taken them through. I ask that you would give them peace and help them not to despair. Give them hope and your affection and rain down upon them your mercy and tenderness. Remove from Susan the anxiety she feels over Lauren and her fears in light of the loss of their beloved son, Nathan. Protect Lauren and Juila from afflictions. Lift up this family's countenance and restore unto them confidence in all of your works of providence that are often glorious yet as often tragic and injurious to faith. Help them to trust you more and more though they have received evil from your hands. You have subjected this world to futility in order to one day restore it. We don't understand it well, but we desire to trust you more and understand your goodness in spite of the trial you have your people endure. Help Susan and Luke to strengthen those around them--others who also suffer. Help them to know your loving kindness truly exists even though you have scorned them. You have promised us eternal life and we are grateful. Remove the dimness from our hearts and minds that keep us from trusting that you are truly good. The righteous will live by faith. Help our unbelief. Help us all to trust in you--a good God who works for your own glory and for the ultimate good of your people.
Amen.
"Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take,
The clouds ye so much dread
are big with mercy, and shall break
In blessings on your head."
- William Cowper (God Moves In Mysterious Ways)
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