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| Easter 2011 |
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| Easter 2010 |
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| Easter 2009 |
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| Easter 2008 |
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| Easter 2007 |
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| Easter 2006 |
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| Easter 2005 |
Easter 2000 - with Nathan in my tummy!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Easter girls - 2011
I made this post last year and just thought I would update it for this Easter. I think there is a big change between last year and this year! We had a really good Easter. We all got up really early and I sung four services and Luke and the girls went to the 7:00 service and also Luke helped with handicap assistance and so they went out to eat and came back to church to do that. I finally got home around 1:00 and we relaxed for a bit before joining friends for an Easter dinner.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Dream - April 21
Luke started tossing and turning somewhere before 6:00 this morning. I guess I should be grateful because it allowed me to wake up and then fall asleep again and have a really detailed dream about Nathan. In the first part of the dream we were swimming. He had floaties on his arms but they were small and he managed to swim under water with them. At some point we were out of the water and he was standing right next to me and I asked him a question and he answered it, just exactly how he spoke, which I can't explain, and ended with a little laugh. I put my arm around him. We went to figure out a prescription and it was taking a while and the pharmacist wanted to substitute something else so I told Nathan "Go see your Daddy" and told her he was terminally ill but was doing really well and we didn't want to change anything. At this point in the dream in my mind it was 2010 and he had lived another 3 years. He was about 6 in the dream though. The next part of the dream was a big dinner at our house and a lot of our friends were there and Nathan had two of his friends there and it was nice seeing him interact with them. I didn't recognize them though.
There was more fuzzy stuff, but my favorite part was the conversation I had which was pure Nathan. Of course seeing him smiling face was wonderful too.
There was more fuzzy stuff, but my favorite part was the conversation I had which was pure Nathan. Of course seeing him smiling face was wonderful too.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Life right now
Part of the purpose of this blog is for me to record life. I have not been very good about that lately.
What is life like right now?
It is pretty typical. I have to remind myself that when Nathan was ill - typical is what I strived for.
Generally, life is mostly about the kids right now.
Warning - this ended up long and sounding like a Christmas letter, which I have never done and now know why! Since you read my blog you know everything is not all roses so at least you can read this knowing that!
Julia is involved in dance, musical theater and kid's choir at church. She is in third grade but rarely has homework, lucky girl. Most days she gets up at 6:30am and if it is "her" day on the computer plays some computer games until 7:30 when she gets ready for school. She gets on the bus at 8:13 and returns home at 3:47. We still walk out to the bus with her in the morning but she comes in on her own. We can't see the bus stop from the house even though it is very close so somehow I can't bring myself to let her go out and not know if she got on. Silly, I know. I'd have to revisit the issue next year but conveniently, Lauren will be joining her so I have an excuse to still go (I say "I" but it is usually Luke).
Julia would like to play the cello and we have an interview tomorrow with a teacher. She will have to give up one of her other activities and has also been warned that practice will often take place before school. I am also expecting (hoping?) she will have more homework next year so she will be busy.
Julia spends a lot of her free time reading. She is a voracious reader and we borrow many library books at a time. When the weather is good and we are not busy she loves to play outside, riding her bike or scooter with neighborhood kids.
Julia loves to sing and will be singing a solo with the sanctuary choir on Mother's Day. This is a pretty big deal as our choir is very large and good. I will be backing her that morning up in the choir loft. I am nervous, but she is not!
Julia just got glasses and is enjoying being able to see better. She has been told she looks like "Junie B Jones" and I told her if that is the worst they can come up with, she is lucky! She is very tall for her age and still has beautiful strawberry blonde hair and many freckles. She has the cutest laugh.
Lauren has preschool Monday through Thursday afternoons. She LOVES preschool and is definitely ready for kindergarten next year. I will be sending her to full-day kindergarten and she will ride the bus with Julia.
She has violin lessons Tuesday mornings and some Saturday mornings. She is progressing so well and really enjoys playing. She loves a good challenge and is willing to push herself. She also has dance and kids choir at church. We had been doing Monday and Wednesday morning swimming lessons but she got too advanced for the morning offerings. I let her have Tues. and Thurs. after school lessons in March and all the running around almost killed me so this month I am trying to take her myself and coach her. She does a lot of lap kicking and I am so impressed at her perseverance. She wants to continue with lessons so when summer comes I will do that for both girls.
Lauren is still a big cuddler and just wants to come sit on my lap and snuggle. She is always so considerate of others. Every night when I put her to bed she tells me to have a good evening. She has a bedtime hug and kiss routine she developed where she gives a kiss and a hug three times followed by a big kiss and big hug.
While Lauren is at preschool I have a few things going on. On Tuesday afternoons I go to Julia's classroom and administer timed math-fact quizzes. Most of the kids love doing them and often beg me to do it again but I have to get through the whole class. I like getting to know Julia's classmates. She loves it when I come in and always gives me a big hug. Most weeks I have a meeting for an organization that is trying to bring a ch*ldren's museum to our town (yes I misspelled it on purpose to avoid search engines. We don't have one here and given the large population of kids and the big tourist industry here it is a no-brainer that we should! So - we are making an effort.
I just finished a Thursday morning bible study and on Tuesday mornings Lauren has violin. For her violin she is to practice every day. As she learns more songs, practice can get longer and longer. I am big part of her practice and so this is a daily activity for me too. If/when Julia starts cello this will be doubled. If I have time I like to play my cello or violin. If I have time I will play harmony with Lauren's violin. It is good practice for her to keep to her melody.
Both Luke and I are involved in Wednesday night children's choirs at church. We are the kindergarten helpers. We both are also on a committee to address plans for next year and I am also going to become a liaison for Wednesday nights in a committee for children's ministry. I am also in the sanctuary choir which meets Thursday nights and then we sing two services on Sunday. This time of year there are lots of extras. There are 7 commitments in the next 13 days. So of course I have come down with a sore throat and cough. I am not sure if I will be able to sing! I love choir and it is a great "me" thing to have.
Luke and I recently joined a Sunday school class. I have to miss half of it in order to sing second service but it is good to get to know some of our peers in our huge church. On Sunday nights we have dinner with two families every week. We have been doing that for two years or so (the other two have been doing it for many years - they asked us to join them a few years ago). It is a wonderful blessing to have that fellowship and friendship.
I love to cook and sometimes our schedule messes that up but I really love the fact that most every night I cook a delicious nutritious meal for us and we sit down in the dining room together to eat it. This is how I grew up and I love it.
Luke is very busy with work, and has been for the past year. Currently he is traveling but for the first 4 months of this year he had impossible deadline followed by impossible deadline and so it was a bit stressful. He still works out of our home (and has done so for almost 13 years now). He has gotten to see his kids more than the average dad this way over the years. There are a few drawbacks but the positives outweigh them for sure. He is a deacon at our church and helps out with handicap assistance on Sundays. He plays basketball at the church every other week and tries to make it to the gym during the week. His main hobby is playing his guitar and one of the great perks of working from home is that when he takes a break he can just reach for the guitar for a few minutes. He has been teaching himself guitar for about four years and has made a lot of strides. Sometimes he pulls out the guitar and I pull out violin, cello, or mandolin and play along...it is fun!
I am looking forward to May and cessation of many of everyone's activities for the school year. School gets out somewhere around the first of June but we never know the exact date until the first or second week in May (which is very annoying because school may be out before OR after Memorial Day so plans could be made if we knew).
This summer, as we usually do, we will be traveling to my parent's house in South Carolina and also to my in-laws' house in Illinois. Julia will be going to church camp for her first sleep-away came experience. Music lessons will continue in the summer as will choir for me. We plan to spend free days at the pool and playing outside. We will probably throw in a vacation bible school week in there somewhere. My parents may come visit in August. They haven't been here in the summer since Nathan's funeral and so we really hope that happens so we can get out and do some fun things instead of hanging around inside the house.
So - what is missing? We are quite busy, but what I would like to do better on is:
the gym for me!!! - I think this will happen will Lauren goes to school full-time next year
seeing friends - I have had almost zero time to spend time with the friends I do not have joint activities scheduled with. There are about 7 friends I would love to get together with. Some I haven't seen in many months and I really miss them! This will also get better in the fall, I hope. I also see I just need to schedule these things, even in a few weeks in advance!
Time for Luke and I - we are due for another trip by ourselves. We rarely even get out together because of our busy schedules and lack of easy babysitting. We are always looking for time and will grab when we can! We did get to go an a marriage retreat this winter - so that was great!
Keeping the house cleaner - also hoping I do better on this next year! I do not come by it naturally!
So - that is the state of things, for now. Kudus to you if you had the patience to read this.
What is life like right now?
It is pretty typical. I have to remind myself that when Nathan was ill - typical is what I strived for.
Generally, life is mostly about the kids right now.
Warning - this ended up long and sounding like a Christmas letter, which I have never done and now know why! Since you read my blog you know everything is not all roses so at least you can read this knowing that!
Julia is involved in dance, musical theater and kid's choir at church. She is in third grade but rarely has homework, lucky girl. Most days she gets up at 6:30am and if it is "her" day on the computer plays some computer games until 7:30 when she gets ready for school. She gets on the bus at 8:13 and returns home at 3:47. We still walk out to the bus with her in the morning but she comes in on her own. We can't see the bus stop from the house even though it is very close so somehow I can't bring myself to let her go out and not know if she got on. Silly, I know. I'd have to revisit the issue next year but conveniently, Lauren will be joining her so I have an excuse to still go (I say "I" but it is usually Luke).
Julia would like to play the cello and we have an interview tomorrow with a teacher. She will have to give up one of her other activities and has also been warned that practice will often take place before school. I am also expecting (hoping?) she will have more homework next year so she will be busy.
Julia spends a lot of her free time reading. She is a voracious reader and we borrow many library books at a time. When the weather is good and we are not busy she loves to play outside, riding her bike or scooter with neighborhood kids.
Julia loves to sing and will be singing a solo with the sanctuary choir on Mother's Day. This is a pretty big deal as our choir is very large and good. I will be backing her that morning up in the choir loft. I am nervous, but she is not!
Julia just got glasses and is enjoying being able to see better. She has been told she looks like "Junie B Jones" and I told her if that is the worst they can come up with, she is lucky! She is very tall for her age and still has beautiful strawberry blonde hair and many freckles. She has the cutest laugh.
Lauren has preschool Monday through Thursday afternoons. She LOVES preschool and is definitely ready for kindergarten next year. I will be sending her to full-day kindergarten and she will ride the bus with Julia.
She has violin lessons Tuesday mornings and some Saturday mornings. She is progressing so well and really enjoys playing. She loves a good challenge and is willing to push herself. She also has dance and kids choir at church. We had been doing Monday and Wednesday morning swimming lessons but she got too advanced for the morning offerings. I let her have Tues. and Thurs. after school lessons in March and all the running around almost killed me so this month I am trying to take her myself and coach her. She does a lot of lap kicking and I am so impressed at her perseverance. She wants to continue with lessons so when summer comes I will do that for both girls.
Lauren is still a big cuddler and just wants to come sit on my lap and snuggle. She is always so considerate of others. Every night when I put her to bed she tells me to have a good evening. She has a bedtime hug and kiss routine she developed where she gives a kiss and a hug three times followed by a big kiss and big hug.
While Lauren is at preschool I have a few things going on. On Tuesday afternoons I go to Julia's classroom and administer timed math-fact quizzes. Most of the kids love doing them and often beg me to do it again but I have to get through the whole class. I like getting to know Julia's classmates. She loves it when I come in and always gives me a big hug. Most weeks I have a meeting for an organization that is trying to bring a ch*ldren's museum to our town (yes I misspelled it on purpose to avoid search engines. We don't have one here and given the large population of kids and the big tourist industry here it is a no-brainer that we should! So - we are making an effort.
I just finished a Thursday morning bible study and on Tuesday mornings Lauren has violin. For her violin she is to practice every day. As she learns more songs, practice can get longer and longer. I am big part of her practice and so this is a daily activity for me too. If/when Julia starts cello this will be doubled. If I have time I like to play my cello or violin. If I have time I will play harmony with Lauren's violin. It is good practice for her to keep to her melody.
Both Luke and I are involved in Wednesday night children's choirs at church. We are the kindergarten helpers. We both are also on a committee to address plans for next year and I am also going to become a liaison for Wednesday nights in a committee for children's ministry. I am also in the sanctuary choir which meets Thursday nights and then we sing two services on Sunday. This time of year there are lots of extras. There are 7 commitments in the next 13 days. So of course I have come down with a sore throat and cough. I am not sure if I will be able to sing! I love choir and it is a great "me" thing to have.
Luke and I recently joined a Sunday school class. I have to miss half of it in order to sing second service but it is good to get to know some of our peers in our huge church. On Sunday nights we have dinner with two families every week. We have been doing that for two years or so (the other two have been doing it for many years - they asked us to join them a few years ago). It is a wonderful blessing to have that fellowship and friendship.
I love to cook and sometimes our schedule messes that up but I really love the fact that most every night I cook a delicious nutritious meal for us and we sit down in the dining room together to eat it. This is how I grew up and I love it.
Luke is very busy with work, and has been for the past year. Currently he is traveling but for the first 4 months of this year he had impossible deadline followed by impossible deadline and so it was a bit stressful. He still works out of our home (and has done so for almost 13 years now). He has gotten to see his kids more than the average dad this way over the years. There are a few drawbacks but the positives outweigh them for sure. He is a deacon at our church and helps out with handicap assistance on Sundays. He plays basketball at the church every other week and tries to make it to the gym during the week. His main hobby is playing his guitar and one of the great perks of working from home is that when he takes a break he can just reach for the guitar for a few minutes. He has been teaching himself guitar for about four years and has made a lot of strides. Sometimes he pulls out the guitar and I pull out violin, cello, or mandolin and play along...it is fun!
I am looking forward to May and cessation of many of everyone's activities for the school year. School gets out somewhere around the first of June but we never know the exact date until the first or second week in May (which is very annoying because school may be out before OR after Memorial Day so plans could be made if we knew).
This summer, as we usually do, we will be traveling to my parent's house in South Carolina and also to my in-laws' house in Illinois. Julia will be going to church camp for her first sleep-away came experience. Music lessons will continue in the summer as will choir for me. We plan to spend free days at the pool and playing outside. We will probably throw in a vacation bible school week in there somewhere. My parents may come visit in August. They haven't been here in the summer since Nathan's funeral and so we really hope that happens so we can get out and do some fun things instead of hanging around inside the house.
So - what is missing? We are quite busy, but what I would like to do better on is:
the gym for me!!! - I think this will happen will Lauren goes to school full-time next year
seeing friends - I have had almost zero time to spend time with the friends I do not have joint activities scheduled with. There are about 7 friends I would love to get together with. Some I haven't seen in many months and I really miss them! This will also get better in the fall, I hope. I also see I just need to schedule these things, even in a few weeks in advance!
Time for Luke and I - we are due for another trip by ourselves. We rarely even get out together because of our busy schedules and lack of easy babysitting. We are always looking for time and will grab when we can! We did get to go an a marriage retreat this winter - so that was great!
Keeping the house cleaner - also hoping I do better on this next year! I do not come by it naturally!
So - that is the state of things, for now. Kudus to you if you had the patience to read this.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Encounters
Since December I have had several run-ins with the staff of Nathan's oncology clinic. He spent 4 1/2 years under their care and that means I spent a whole lot of time with these doctors and nurses. I love to see them, but it is always emotional and I am left shaken a bit. It is hard to explain.
On Thursday afternoon I ran into one of Nathan's oncologists, but not the main one. We would see this one when the other one wasn't available. He said some very nice things about how everyone still remembers us and about missing seeing me at the clinic. Still, I left the encounter feeling shook up and a bit uneasy. Over these 3 1/2 years I have seen all the staff, except one, Nathan's primary doctor. He has since retired due to Parkinson's** and the last time I saw him was at Nathan's funeral. He means so much to Luke and I. We feel so very blessed to have had him for Nathan's doctor. The care he gave Nathan, and the way he dealt with Luke and I was superb. He made a terrible situation the best it could have been.
Friday, I ran out to Sam's club at the last minute and guess who I saw? This wonderful doctor! Just one day after seeing the other one. He reached for a hug immediately and we talked for several minutes catching up. He told me that he had been hoping to run into me and that he thinks of us often. We talked about how crazy it was to both of us that it we just passed the 8 year mark of diagnosis. He had just started here in town a few days before Nathan was diagnosed and I think Nathan was his first diagnosis in his new city. We had a great talk and I didn't even tear up once (which I always do) and I left the encounter, not shaken, but very happy. I did tear up afterwards, because I felt so thankful I saw him, and the timing of seeing him was just right.
** a note on the Parkinson's. I wrote here about learning of his retirement and how sick it made me feel. On Friday, we talked about how he is doing and about how, at the time of his retirement, it was not what he wanted but looking back at many things which have happened since, the timing was right and he mentioned the mysterious ways God works. I was so glad to hear and see that he is doing so well. The disease is progressing quickly, but he seemed to be in as good a place as he could with it.
On Thursday afternoon I ran into one of Nathan's oncologists, but not the main one. We would see this one when the other one wasn't available. He said some very nice things about how everyone still remembers us and about missing seeing me at the clinic. Still, I left the encounter feeling shook up and a bit uneasy. Over these 3 1/2 years I have seen all the staff, except one, Nathan's primary doctor. He has since retired due to Parkinson's** and the last time I saw him was at Nathan's funeral. He means so much to Luke and I. We feel so very blessed to have had him for Nathan's doctor. The care he gave Nathan, and the way he dealt with Luke and I was superb. He made a terrible situation the best it could have been.
Friday, I ran out to Sam's club at the last minute and guess who I saw? This wonderful doctor! Just one day after seeing the other one. He reached for a hug immediately and we talked for several minutes catching up. He told me that he had been hoping to run into me and that he thinks of us often. We talked about how crazy it was to both of us that it we just passed the 8 year mark of diagnosis. He had just started here in town a few days before Nathan was diagnosed and I think Nathan was his first diagnosis in his new city. We had a great talk and I didn't even tear up once (which I always do) and I left the encounter, not shaken, but very happy. I did tear up afterwards, because I felt so thankful I saw him, and the timing of seeing him was just right.
** a note on the Parkinson's. I wrote here about learning of his retirement and how sick it made me feel. On Friday, we talked about how he is doing and about how, at the time of his retirement, it was not what he wanted but looking back at many things which have happened since, the timing was right and he mentioned the mysterious ways God works. I was so glad to hear and see that he is doing so well. The disease is progressing quickly, but he seemed to be in as good a place as he could with it.
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Brother and Sister
I love it when Lauren has a "shared experience" with Nathan. Since she was only 20 months old when he died, she didn't get to actually have very many. Preschool has been one of them, in the same classroom with the same teachers as Nathan.
Here are some pictures I took recently, and some old ones of the same park.
As for the other brother and sister - here is a picture I recently put in a photobook of Julia and Nathan....so sweet.
Here are some pictures I took recently, and some old ones of the same park.
As for the other brother and sister - here is a picture I recently put in a photobook of Julia and Nathan....so sweet.
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Monday, April 04, 2011
Lame
I mentioned a few posts ago I need to show you why Luke and I were the lamest couple at the marriage retreat.
We were lucky and got up there early, dealing with some crummy traffic in Denver, but not nearly as bad as those who came after us. We check in at the desk and proceeded over the the picture station. At first I thought they were doing some construction over by the stairs but quickly realized it was all part of the weekend theme, "Marriage, Extreme Heart Makeover Edition" or something like that. There was tape and cones and vests so I asked the picture taker if we had to dress up for the pictures and I was told no. So, we didn't.
Later as they began taping the pictures up I saw that EVERYONE else had used the props.
On Saturday night, we had a "contest" that involved competing as small groups, some involving silly things. Luke and I then just declared that we were lame and our picture was proof. We just aren't into play-acting, being goofy, pretending AT ALL. Not one bit. We could have done the picture, but being that it was a marriage weekend and we concluded that we are very happy together, why not just be lame together?
We were lucky and got up there early, dealing with some crummy traffic in Denver, but not nearly as bad as those who came after us. We check in at the desk and proceeded over the the picture station. At first I thought they were doing some construction over by the stairs but quickly realized it was all part of the weekend theme, "Marriage, Extreme Heart Makeover Edition" or something like that. There was tape and cones and vests so I asked the picture taker if we had to dress up for the pictures and I was told no. So, we didn't.
Later as they began taping the pictures up I saw that EVERYONE else had used the props.
On Saturday night, we had a "contest" that involved competing as small groups, some involving silly things. Luke and I then just declared that we were lame and our picture was proof. We just aren't into play-acting, being goofy, pretending AT ALL. Not one bit. We could have done the picture, but being that it was a marriage weekend and we concluded that we are very happy together, why not just be lame together?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
She's mocking me
I think I recently blogged that I bought a cello and that I played the cello from ages 5-13 and then quit. I probably hadn't played a cello since I was 17 or so.
I decided to buy suzuki cello book 3 because I actually remember playing those songs.
I open the book and see this little girl
Here is a link to a girl playing one of the songs in the book if you are interested in the level.
It is fun to be playing again so I am just trying to ignore the picture.
I decided to buy suzuki cello book 3 because I actually remember playing those songs.
I open the book and see this little girl
Now I am playing a piece that utilizes many high positions and vibrato and is not "easy" but man, does she make me feel old and slow! I have no clue what age I was when I first played this, but still...
Here is a link to a girl playing one of the songs in the book if you are interested in the level.
It is fun to be playing again so I am just trying to ignore the picture.
Friday, March 18, 2011
February Pictures
Pictures from February...plus I actually blogged something last night, below this post.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
St. Patrick's Day and Lent
I have been to choir rehearsal tonight. We rehearsed a beautiful choral arrangement of the following song. I found it a fitting choice as a celtic tune and for this season of lent. I wish I could find the choral arrangement to share as it is better than this solo one. Here are the words.
O love divine amazing love
That brought to earth from heaven above
The Son of God for us to die
That we might dwell on high
He died for you
He died for me
And shed His blood to make us free
Upon the cross of calvary
The Savior died for me
Edited to add Here is a link to an mp3 of the choral version
http://beckenhorstpress.com/audio/1900.mp3
O love divine amazing love
That brought to earth from heaven above
The Son of God for us to die
That we might dwell on high
He died for you
He died for me
And shed His blood to make us free
Upon the cross of calvary
The Savior died for me
Edited to add Here is a link to an mp3 of the choral version
http://beckenhorstpress.com/audio/1900.mp3
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Life
Hmm...still light on the blogging. What have we been up to?
We went skiing last weekend with my brother and his family. It was my second time skiing. I started out on the bunny hill for an hour or two and then went up the big lift. Last time I tried the lift twice and fell both times. This time I made it off without falling and managed to do much better skiing overall. I still came down the greens with very wide turns but made it down many times without a fall so that was a success! Julia took a lesson and I think we will be able to try her on the big hill next time. Lauren made it to the bunny hill but turning is still a bit of an issue. Luke has been a skiier for years so he was very nice and skiied with me a lot of the time. I sent him off to some blacks here and there.
The weekend before, Lauren had a group concert for violin. She and I played a duet of Lightly Row, with me on the cello. Yes, I did go ahead and buy myself a cello a few weeks ago. It has been really fun getting back into playing it after 20 years. I have a video, which I have shared some, but I am unhappy with my intonation in it. I may post it, we'll see. She did great!
The weekend before that one, Luke and I went to a marriage retreat with our church to Estes Park. It was a really good weekend. We went into it feeling like we didn't really have any major issues and luckily came out of it assured that we don't and that we are on the same page about things and manage to communicate about marriage types of things on a regular basis anyway. Our senior pastor and his wife spoke and are fabulous. We even got to repeat our vows, which was meaningful to me especially since Luke and I didn't have a Christian wedding so saying these vows in a new light was really special.
The weekend before that one was when Luke's sister, Anna and her boyfriend were here. (did I make up for naming him and not Anna last time??)
February pictures forthcoming....plus a post with picture and why Luke and I were the lamest couple at our retreat!
We went skiing last weekend with my brother and his family. It was my second time skiing. I started out on the bunny hill for an hour or two and then went up the big lift. Last time I tried the lift twice and fell both times. This time I made it off without falling and managed to do much better skiing overall. I still came down the greens with very wide turns but made it down many times without a fall so that was a success! Julia took a lesson and I think we will be able to try her on the big hill next time. Lauren made it to the bunny hill but turning is still a bit of an issue. Luke has been a skiier for years so he was very nice and skiied with me a lot of the time. I sent him off to some blacks here and there.
The weekend before, Lauren had a group concert for violin. She and I played a duet of Lightly Row, with me on the cello. Yes, I did go ahead and buy myself a cello a few weeks ago. It has been really fun getting back into playing it after 20 years. I have a video, which I have shared some, but I am unhappy with my intonation in it. I may post it, we'll see. She did great!
The weekend before that one, Luke and I went to a marriage retreat with our church to Estes Park. It was a really good weekend. We went into it feeling like we didn't really have any major issues and luckily came out of it assured that we don't and that we are on the same page about things and manage to communicate about marriage types of things on a regular basis anyway. Our senior pastor and his wife spoke and are fabulous. We even got to repeat our vows, which was meaningful to me especially since Luke and I didn't have a Christian wedding so saying these vows in a new light was really special.
The weekend before that one was when Luke's sister, Anna and her boyfriend were here. (did I make up for naming him and not Anna last time??)
February pictures forthcoming....plus a post with picture and why Luke and I were the lamest couple at our retreat!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Garden of the Gods
We love living in Colorado Springs for many reasons. Garden of the Gods is one of them. It is a beautiful, red rock, free, city-owned park. We just went there this weekend with Luke's sister and her boyfriend, Chris.
Here are the three kids, each in the same little nook
Here are the three kids, each in the same little nook
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| Nathan, July 2005, 5 years old |
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| Julia, July 2005, 3.5 years |
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| Julia, February 2011, 9 years |
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| Lauren, February 2011, 5 years |
Monday, February 21, 2011
Zoo Shirt
Something that Nathan and Lauren have in common. They both felt the need to have a designated "Zoo Shirt". This is not something I ever pushed, they both just decided at some point that when they went to the zoo, they ought to wear an appropriate shirt and went through their drawers and come out with the shirt on. Lauren is about to outgrow her current one so I need to be on the lookout for something that will work for her.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Brandy Bear
This time last year I was struggling about where I should send Lauren to preschool, the same place she was currently going with her best friend, or to the same place Nathan and Julia both went. In the end I chose for her to go where her brother and sister had gone and it was a really good decision for both her and me.
One of the traditions her teacher has is sending home "Brandy Bear" for a weekend with a child and then we write up her adventures with us. I now know that Brandy Bear seems to be a different bear from her collection each year. Here are the kids with Brandy Bear.
On a side note, I can't believe there are only 3 months left of preschool. This school year has gone so fast. Lauren is signed up for full-day Kindergarten (if she gets in, which she most likely will). Next year will be a lot different.
Friday, February 18, 2011
January 2011 Pictures
Yes! I am very late posting these. Being sick for a week and then going away for a weekend really set me back. Mike N at Loyola, Anna tells me it is time to post them! (she is here this weekend)
We didn't do a whole lot in January, as you will see, Julia turned 9 and Lauren went to the zoo. I will post about the bear she is toting in my next entry (if I ever get around to it!)
We didn't do a whole lot in January, as you will see, Julia turned 9 and Lauren went to the zoo. I will post about the bear she is toting in my next entry (if I ever get around to it!)
Monday, January 24, 2011
Julia turns Nine!
Julia turned nine years old on Saturday. Since it was a Saturday she got to celebrate all day long! I made her (canned) cinnamon rolls and eggs for breakfast and then she and I headed up to Denver to shop. She really couldn't think of anything she wanted for her birthday and so we decided to shop instead. However, the alone time with just her and I was what she was excited about. She found just two things at Claires she wanted and used a giftcard for those. She tried on some clothes and we looked everywhere, including the American Girl store, but she just is not interested in things. She got a little frustrated and said she wanted to buy something that she could enjoy and use more than once. She wants something to entertain her but she is not easily entertained. She doesn't fit into a lot of clothes very well. She tried on some things at Justice and they were very stylish but she is so tall and thin that many clothes hang on her. She kept her spirits up and kept saying it was all about the time with me anyway. I was hoping for a nice lunch but what she wanted was a pretzel dog - so that is what she got!
She and I hurried back home to wait for her best friend to arrive at 3:00. They went off and played until we had pizza, popcorn and a movie (Matilda - which they had both seen many times). After that we had cake and they went to bed (but not asleep for a while). In the morning, her friend came with us to church. She had never been to a church before and was a little nervous. I couldn't convince her to stand at any point for singing (but that was fine, of course). Unfortunately our pastor got creative and decided to use an empty casket for a prop. I assured her it was empty! Julia enjoyed introducing her to the people around us. After that they went to Sunday school, which they both enjoyed and then we took her friend home.
All in all, a very good birthday!
She and I hurried back home to wait for her best friend to arrive at 3:00. They went off and played until we had pizza, popcorn and a movie (Matilda - which they had both seen many times). After that we had cake and they went to bed (but not asleep for a while). In the morning, her friend came with us to church. She had never been to a church before and was a little nervous. I couldn't convince her to stand at any point for singing (but that was fine, of course). Unfortunately our pastor got creative and decided to use an empty casket for a prop. I assured her it was empty! Julia enjoyed introducing her to the people around us. After that they went to Sunday school, which they both enjoyed and then we took her friend home.
All in all, a very good birthday!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Lauren 5 year stats
I had Lauren in to the doctor the other day for her five year old well-child checkup. The poor thing needed FIVE shots. Four of them were routine, one had been missed in 2007. The doctor was trying to figure out how it happened and I just said "2007 was a bad year" and she agreed. She asked me if I wanted to come back for the extra one. Lauren was so scared that I thought it was better to just get them all over with instead of having one more hanging over her head. If I had been thinking I would have considered splitting up 3 and 2 or something but that wasn't offered.
So - she had all five, first one in her arm and then four in her legs. She bawled. I felt really bad. I took her to get a milkshake ad then over to a friend's house to play. Later that night she was running a 101.7 fever and all day the next day a 99.7 fever. I really felt bad for her. She seems to have fully recovered now.
Her stats were as follows:
Height 43.5 inches (48th percentile)
Weight 34.5 pounds (11th percentile)
I forget her BMI but it was something in the single digits and 3rd percentile.
Her height percentile has never been this high - that is nice to see.
She is just a skinny, skinny little thing but she is strong and athletic. It is just how she is made. At this rate she may be in a 5 point harness until she is seven. They really recommend children be 40 pounds before they go into a booster. She is such a tall, skinny 34 pounds that you could fit two of her side to side in a booster - so she stays in a car seat for now. I have explained it is all about her weight and not her age.
So - she had all five, first one in her arm and then four in her legs. She bawled. I felt really bad. I took her to get a milkshake ad then over to a friend's house to play. Later that night she was running a 101.7 fever and all day the next day a 99.7 fever. I really felt bad for her. She seems to have fully recovered now.
Her stats were as follows:
Height 43.5 inches (48th percentile)
Weight 34.5 pounds (11th percentile)
I forget her BMI but it was something in the single digits and 3rd percentile.
Her height percentile has never been this high - that is nice to see.
She is just a skinny, skinny little thing but she is strong and athletic. It is just how she is made. At this rate she may be in a 5 point harness until she is seven. They really recommend children be 40 pounds before they go into a booster. She is such a tall, skinny 34 pounds that you could fit two of her side to side in a booster - so she stays in a car seat for now. I have explained it is all about her weight and not her age.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Validation
So I have mused a few times recently (too lazy to look up the posts right now) about if some of my physical problems are stress/grief related. Luke was the one who told me that perhaps it was and it had not really occurred to me before then.
However, I got "proof" today. I was planning a trip to two banks to consolidate what is left of Nathan's memorial fund into one interest bearing account and also to the safe-deposit box. I went through some folders to select things that needed to go to the safe-deposit box and selected the title Nathan's "slot" in the Columbarium. It was in a fancy envelop with a snap and so I opened it up just to check the contents and found his "Certificate of Cremation" in there. IT is an official document that was needed before interring his remains. I had forgotten we had to give it to the cemetery. There it was, spelled out in front of me, date of death, age of death, date of cremation. Ugh, ugh ugh!
So - I tucked it in my envelop and hurried off to take Lauren from school but my chest was tight, I was short of breath and dizzy. It stayed that way for quite a while. One of the bankers was trying to make small talk as he set up this account (memorial, he knew that much anyway) and I finally told him that this was not a cheerful errand and apologized that I really wasn't in the mood for small talk.
Anyway - I just find it all so odd. I knew what I read, I had this physical reaction, I knew I was having this reaction based on what I had just been doing but I could not make it stop. I am just used to being in control of myself and I guess it is beyond my control.
However, I got "proof" today. I was planning a trip to two banks to consolidate what is left of Nathan's memorial fund into one interest bearing account and also to the safe-deposit box. I went through some folders to select things that needed to go to the safe-deposit box and selected the title Nathan's "slot" in the Columbarium. It was in a fancy envelop with a snap and so I opened it up just to check the contents and found his "Certificate of Cremation" in there. IT is an official document that was needed before interring his remains. I had forgotten we had to give it to the cemetery. There it was, spelled out in front of me, date of death, age of death, date of cremation. Ugh, ugh ugh!
So - I tucked it in my envelop and hurried off to take Lauren from school but my chest was tight, I was short of breath and dizzy. It stayed that way for quite a while. One of the bankers was trying to make small talk as he set up this account (memorial, he knew that much anyway) and I finally told him that this was not a cheerful errand and apologized that I really wasn't in the mood for small talk.
Anyway - I just find it all so odd. I knew what I read, I had this physical reaction, I knew I was having this reaction based on what I had just been doing but I could not make it stop. I am just used to being in control of myself and I guess it is beyond my control.
Tuesday, January 04, 2011
Saturday, January 01, 2011
December 2010 in review
Happy New Year!
Instead of a year in review I am, for now, going to review December because it was so incredibly busy that I haven't blogged much at all.
The first 13 days of December contained five multi-hour choir rehearsals and two concerts. We do this concert every year in the local performing arts center with a bell choir, a children's choir, an orchestra and a big band. It is a ton of fun and big time commitment and lots of work. During this there were several violin lessons for Lauren, one for me, and a recital. School and dance lessons and Christmas shopping were all going on during this time span as well. Immediately after the concert found Luke and then Julia down with the stomach flu.
Then, the day after the concert my sister-friend, Lisa and her family came to Colorado to visit her new niece (who was born very early and is in the NICU). She came despite the illness in our house and stayed a week. The girls had a lot of fun with her three daughters and they were able to join us for Lauren and Julia's dance recital. I was busy finishing Christmas shopping and attending a few Christmas functions that week, as well as the all fluffing and steaming of dance costumes and such. I also had more choir rehearsals getting ready for Christmas Eve.
Christmas week, we finally had time and health to start baking Christmas goodies. I had to finish up the shopping and wrapping as well. On the 23rd we went on the Santa Train (the cog railway that goes up Pikes Peak and stops halfway up to visit with Santa). Christmas Eve I left the house around 12:45 pm to begin singing Christmas Eve services. I sang three services, we had a quick break for dinner which the church served us and Luke and the girls attended as well and then I sang one more service (7:00 pm) that Luke and the girls attending. I went home with them afterwards, to tuck them in and get ready for Christmas morning. There was one more service I didn't sing.
Christmas morning we enjoyed opening presents and spent the rest of the day relaxing except for a break to cook a full turkey dinner. Since we were in Chicago for Thanksgiving and ate at a restaurant we were all anxious to have our traditional Turkey dinner here at home with leftovers!
The day after Christmas was Sunday, so we all went off to church and then came home and relaxed a bit and went and had dinner with friends.
The week between Christmas and New Year's the girls did a lot of playing, some fighting, and had daily swimming lessons. They both passed their classes and were excited to move on. Lauren had taken her level 3 times because when she started swim lessons she would not put her head under water. She is now jumping in over her head and surfacing all by herself. She can also swim under water and dive for an object at the bottom. This is a huge improvement and she is having much more fun at the pool now. Julia s getting closer to swimming with a proper freestyle stroke. Her next class will help her get to that point. I am proud of both of them.
We also had dinner with friends Thursday night and new year's eve the Children's Museum had a NOON Year's eve party (at noon) and since I am on the board (we are trying to build a CM here in town, a long ways from reality yet) I was very busy helping out with that. Last night I was exhausted but we put the extended edition of The Fellowship of the Ring on and made it to midnight (minus a catnap between the end of the mines of Moria and Baromir's betrayal of Frodo).
Yes, there are pictures to go with these and I should put them in, but I will put the monthly slideshow up tomorrow and you can refer there or if I find I have time I will update this post.
Instead of a year in review I am, for now, going to review December because it was so incredibly busy that I haven't blogged much at all.
The first 13 days of December contained five multi-hour choir rehearsals and two concerts. We do this concert every year in the local performing arts center with a bell choir, a children's choir, an orchestra and a big band. It is a ton of fun and big time commitment and lots of work. During this there were several violin lessons for Lauren, one for me, and a recital. School and dance lessons and Christmas shopping were all going on during this time span as well. Immediately after the concert found Luke and then Julia down with the stomach flu.
Then, the day after the concert my sister-friend, Lisa and her family came to Colorado to visit her new niece (who was born very early and is in the NICU). She came despite the illness in our house and stayed a week. The girls had a lot of fun with her three daughters and they were able to join us for Lauren and Julia's dance recital. I was busy finishing Christmas shopping and attending a few Christmas functions that week, as well as the all fluffing and steaming of dance costumes and such. I also had more choir rehearsals getting ready for Christmas Eve.
Christmas week, we finally had time and health to start baking Christmas goodies. I had to finish up the shopping and wrapping as well. On the 23rd we went on the Santa Train (the cog railway that goes up Pikes Peak and stops halfway up to visit with Santa). Christmas Eve I left the house around 12:45 pm to begin singing Christmas Eve services. I sang three services, we had a quick break for dinner which the church served us and Luke and the girls attended as well and then I sang one more service (7:00 pm) that Luke and the girls attending. I went home with them afterwards, to tuck them in and get ready for Christmas morning. There was one more service I didn't sing.
Christmas morning we enjoyed opening presents and spent the rest of the day relaxing except for a break to cook a full turkey dinner. Since we were in Chicago for Thanksgiving and ate at a restaurant we were all anxious to have our traditional Turkey dinner here at home with leftovers!
The day after Christmas was Sunday, so we all went off to church and then came home and relaxed a bit and went and had dinner with friends.
The week between Christmas and New Year's the girls did a lot of playing, some fighting, and had daily swimming lessons. They both passed their classes and were excited to move on. Lauren had taken her level 3 times because when she started swim lessons she would not put her head under water. She is now jumping in over her head and surfacing all by herself. She can also swim under water and dive for an object at the bottom. This is a huge improvement and she is having much more fun at the pool now. Julia s getting closer to swimming with a proper freestyle stroke. Her next class will help her get to that point. I am proud of both of them.
We also had dinner with friends Thursday night and new year's eve the Children's Museum had a NOON Year's eve party (at noon) and since I am on the board (we are trying to build a CM here in town, a long ways from reality yet) I was very busy helping out with that. Last night I was exhausted but we put the extended edition of The Fellowship of the Ring on and made it to midnight (minus a catnap between the end of the mines of Moria and Baromir's betrayal of Frodo).
Yes, there are pictures to go with these and I should put them in, but I will put the monthly slideshow up tomorrow and you can refer there or if I find I have time I will update this post.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wintersong, Again..
I posted this last year and just wanted to post it again.
So far, this Christmas has been easier in the grief department. At the same time Nathan is very close to my heart at this time of year.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Siblings
A picture came home from preschool of Lauren and I thought she really looks a lot like a picture of Nathan we have (he was 6).
Monday, December 13, 2010
First Violin Recital
I have mentioned before that Lauren is taking violin lessons. she had her first recital on Saturday and did very well! A Video is below.
I also got to play with a few other parents and some older students which was a lot of fun.
I also got to play with a few other parents and some older students which was a lot of fun.
Here's a far cuter picture of me playing the cello when I was Lauren's age.
And a few more picture of Lauren
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Healthy Heart
Three years ago, a few months after Nathan died Lauren had her two year old checkup. Her doctor referred her to the pediatric cardiologist because she had a very loud murmur. An echocardiogram revealed that it was a "functional murmur". Today she went back for a recheck and her murmur is much quieter and everything looks good. That was a relief.
Bringing her in, however, had its own triggers. I remembered the day Nathan fainted after chemo and I had to bring him in there for a stat echo. I remembered bringing in Julia for an echo that finally helped prove she did have Kawasaki Disease. I remembered a conversation I had with a just-turned-two year old Lauren the last time we were there in the parking lot. She saw the hospital and immediately associated it with Nathan.
Also, I had to fill this out:
Friday, December 03, 2010
November Pictures
Yes - I am a slacker. I have bunches of posts in my head. Hopefully a real post will happen soon.
Meanwhile...pictures.
Meanwhile...pictures.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Holidays
Andy, Max's Dad, left a comment in which the end said:
I know the people who love me are waiting for me to get beyond it or something like. Things will change eventually, I think. When my children are no longer small, the sting of Christmas morning might be less. I don't know, just guessing. It isn't easier this year. Nathan would be 10. It is just as hard as if he would be 7. It is not easier this year just because another year has gone by. I am USED to not having him with us for Christmas but it hurts JUST THE SAME.
This DOES NOT MEAN I have no joy and happiness at Christmas. This is the other thing I think people don't understand. I have ALL the emotions. Some of them are SAD though, which is different than that of my friends. I was told recently I have to get to a place where I can have joy too, but she assumed wrong. I have joy AND I have pain.
I would love to attend an angel parent Christmas party. Alas, we are too spread out. So, for now, and until I feel differently, which may be never, I don't intend to force myself to put aside my feelings of grief at the holidays.
"Hope you guys are doing OK with the holidays approaching. We need an angel parent party or something like that, I think (weird, I know, but comforting too) "Andy, you are so right and the thing is, no one else can understand. It is impossible for others to understand what we angel parents go through day to day, and even more so with the holidays. I recently had a friend try to ask me (in full love and the spirit of trying to understand) why Christmas is so hard. I tried to explain, but there is no explaining. All I could say was "how would you feel if one of your kids was not there on Christmas?". That doesn't work though and I never want any of my friends to be in my place, that is for sure! I can socialize with those I am close to for Christmas Eve and Christmas but we have had invites over the years to join good friends PLUS their relatives or other friends and I just cannot. I cannot because I will have to put on the fake face for these people I do not know well. I will feel like I have to push in all my grief and the truth is, I do that too much anyway. I don't want to have to do that on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.
I know the people who love me are waiting for me to get beyond it or something like. Things will change eventually, I think. When my children are no longer small, the sting of Christmas morning might be less. I don't know, just guessing. It isn't easier this year. Nathan would be 10. It is just as hard as if he would be 7. It is not easier this year just because another year has gone by. I am USED to not having him with us for Christmas but it hurts JUST THE SAME.
This DOES NOT MEAN I have no joy and happiness at Christmas. This is the other thing I think people don't understand. I have ALL the emotions. Some of them are SAD though, which is different than that of my friends. I was told recently I have to get to a place where I can have joy too, but she assumed wrong. I have joy AND I have pain.
I would love to attend an angel parent Christmas party. Alas, we are too spread out. So, for now, and until I feel differently, which may be never, I don't intend to force myself to put aside my feelings of grief at the holidays.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
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