UPDATED BELOW
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It is so often the little things, the things that are normal stuff for everyone else that get to me.
Once again this year it is the preschool family tree. I tried not sending it in today and they told Lauren to make sure to bring it on Wed. Last year they had one in the welcome packet that I just ignored. Yes, I know, I am not being a good mom. Well, that's reality sometimes.
I will, however, suck it up and fill this one out for Wednesday since they said something to her. I heard through the grapevine they should attach a family photo but I have not heard that officially and so that may not happen. See, I just have to list brother and sisters - that is easy enough to do. If I attach a picture I either attach one with all three kids when Lauren is only a year old or I attach one of her at four years old missing a sibling. I considered attaching a recent family photo and also one of her and Nathan together. Either way - I just HATE doing this seemingly simple happy little preschool project. It is one of those that happens year after year in school though. I think about other kids whose families are not the ideal either. Does it cause them pain or embarrasment? Do kids with divorced parents send in two family photos?
I'm not saying they shouldn't do it but I bet it hasn't occurred to a lot of these teachers the potential minefields. Lauren's includes "Interesting Story" as a category. I have many sarcastic thoughts on that one that I will keep to myself and I will be curious what her interesting story is. Nathan is probably very much like a mystical being to her, so I think to her all that I am having angst about means nothing.
That makes me relieved and sad at the same time.
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So - we did it I gave her options of pictures and she came up with her own idea of our recent family picture from Thanksgiving and also a picture of her, Julia and Nathan. I brought in the paper and gave it to one of the teachers. I asked her if the kids would be discussing their papers. She said yes so I felt like I should warn her so I said that we had two pictures and that Lauren's brother died and so not to be surprised when she mentions that. She mumbled something about overhearing Lauren saying something like that before but it was clear to me that she didn't think it was actually true. She kind of gave me a lost look and I mumbled something about how much I hate doing these projects and gave a nervous laugh and high-tailed it out of there. sigh.
7 comments:
Ugh... it seems to me that this project could be done once but not EVERY year. A little communication between teachers could solve this problem. And yes, kids whose parents are divorced dread this activity too!
Hey Susan,
I can see why this would be an annoyance, and in my humble opinion, it isn't a necessary project for the classroom to "learn" from. Fun? Perhaps. But as you said - not for everyone.
And I'm bad about forgetting things to send in as well. When life is going strong, signing a sheet of paper takes a spot at the back of the line!
We've had projects like that.... family photos included etc. If it's 'her family history' she will say yes to putting him on there, but otherwise no. And yes, I think sometimes our angst over it is much more intense than her feelings and stress over it.
I think these kinds of activities should be avoided altogether, esp at the holidays. There are many family situations that aren't ideal for many reasons and these sorts of assignments puts a huge burden on kids (and parents) that might already be struggling.
I understand your stress over this. From the teacher side, it is an opportunity for children to share about their family,which is such an essential part of a young child's universe.
So, when I ask people to bring in a family photo, I always say, whatever your family maybe, (you might even need more than one photo). I have had children who had siblings or fathers who have past away(some while at the school, others years earlier), some with several sibling groups (5 siblings with 3 different dads), some living with grandparents. Children tend to share it anyway. I have found that children have developed a sense of family based on their life. So, it is all ok. It is also ok for other children to hear about it.
Just like when we do a Mother's Day paper. I have some children who do two papers. Others do one for grandma or aunt. I ask children who have "mom" relationships with women other than "mom." I make them a paper labeled that way.
So, I say, ask Lauren what you should write and to pick the photograph or photographs.
Also, so many parents forget. As a teacher it can be frustrating:) I understand your stress.
Just for note, I also have children do a timeline of their lives at school, without parent help or guidance. They draw themselves as a baby, at 1, 2, 3, etc. They also may draw their family. This can accomplish the same thing, without adding the burden.
My heart goes out to you--your grief is still so thick.
We don't like family trees either, but for another reason. Two of our kids are adopted through foster care. They love their first family, but they cannot live with them. So they have no baby pictures, no momentos, no oral history, and very few memories they want to share with the world. It's too painful.
It's also nobody's business.
And I am also a teacher.
Not everyone has lived the kinds of lives we are living. I have not walked in your shoes, though I've been quietly with you since before Nathan's passing. Consider talking with the teacher about this unintentionally hurtful thing. It surely seems that everyone should know what has happened in your life, but they don't. And a little education could make all of the difference in how at least one teacher handles the idea of the family tree in the future.
I agree that it is not at all necessary.
But I agree with others who said that it is probably not as painful to Lauren as it is to you, so glad you participated as you felt you could.
As a teacher, I find this interesting. I had honestly never considered it "none of anyone's business." I had always looked at doing family things as a way for a child to share with others. Starting with their home seems the easiest way to connect children. I don't post them or anything. So, does anyone have an idea that is less painful, but involve parents in their child's class?
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